21 November 2009

"Somewhere I belong" --Linkin Park

One night at Omega, I went for a stroll because there's only so much time you can spend in your tent alone before you have to get out and do something.* There was a full moon and a light breeze, and I wandered down to the lake. There, I happened upon a half-dozen people sitting amongst the picnic tables, listening to a young woman singing and playing guitar. I sat down and listened, too. Her music was original and she was good.

After a few more songs, she said, "Wow, it's been a really magical evening. How about a group hug?"**

They all got up to do a hug and I sat there, smiling at their friendship.

When they were all gathered, one guy looked over his shoulder, with a disappointed look on his face, and said to me, "Come on... please?"

It hadn't occurred to me that I was included in that invitation until he said that. I jumped up and joined in the hug.

The thing is, I tend to err on the "I'm not included" side when people throw out a "Hey, let's get some ice cream" kind of invitation to a group.*** I don't know why. I've tried to rework my assumptions over the years, to assume "Of course I'm included" but it's definitely a stretch for me.

When a general invitation is thrown out to a group of people you're among, do you presume you are included or presume you aren't included?

* Okay, there's only so much time I can spend in a tent alone. By the way, everyone heard you.

** Yeah, that's what she said. You're getting judgy, aren't you?

*** It makes orgies really awkward.


Cyndy said...

I would also tend to not assume that I would be included in a situation like that, and probably also in general. But it can also depend on my physical proximity to the person who tossed out the invitation or on whether the people near me think they are also invited.

Alex said...

If it was a group of strangers that all knew each other that I'd just happened upon, I'd also assume I wasn't included... I think most reasonable people would. It was nice of that guy to recognize that you would see it that way, and reach out to you.

Mike said...

I would be of the not included inclination because there's no telling what a group of people will do next and I don't like suprises.

You're on your way to making it though the whole month. Only (22,23,24,25,26,27,28,29,30) 9 more days to go. Of course this all ends with a big bang on my birthday. I'll send you what I want you to get me for my birthday. (remember I don't like surprises)

Liebchen said...

I never assume I'm included. However, I've realized recently that it drives some people crazy when they have re-issue invitations.

The Bug said...

I usually assume I AM included. I'm there, aren't I? Heh. I do look for nonverbal cues to get a sense of whether or not I'm right, but unless they're pretty blatant (everyone turns their back to me & walks away) I usually join in. Odd behavior for an introvert, don't you think?

Little Ms Blogger said...

Really depends on the situation.

I know that is a lame ass answer, but if the situation you cited happened to me, I'd shy away. However, if I had been there for a fair amount of time and talked with some people in between songs then yes, I would have joined in.

I have a tendency to be shy around new people.

Tina said...

depends on wheter I know the issuer, the group and how involved I have been in whatever is going on up to that point.

And I NO am not thinking of the orgy comment - really - not...

kansasmediocrity said...

Although I've been sober 11 years, I still have a hard time with self-esteem.
I just got used to being left out for obvious reasons.

Bowie Mike said...

Geez, the day is almost over, and I haven't commented yet. I was sort of hoping for a personal invitation to comment.

In the situation that you described, I wouldn't have thought that I was invited for the group hug. But I'm guessing that isn't the best example of what you're talking about.

I have at times required some personal prodding after a group invite - even when I wanted to participate. I'm not exactly sure why, but it may have something to do with being one of the younger kids in a large family, and there were a lot of things that included the older kids only, and the younger kids were automatically excluded. This is sort of like Deep thoughts with Jack Handy!

I also used to automatically say "no thank you" when asked if I would like something to eat when visiting someone's house - even if I was hungry. Not sure why.

Barbara said...

I'm exactly like you, as I sit there preparing to be left out. Maybe it's a holdover from childhood when I wasn't one of the first to be chosen for anyone's team.

lacochran said...

Cyndy: Proximity and reinforcement, mmkay.

Alex: It's possible she started the evening with just her guitar and everyone that wandered down to the lake and sat to listen was as much a stranger as I was. No idea. If that was the case, then we're all on equal footing and my hanging back was construable as rude. "Most reasonable people"? Really? That's the way you want to support your point?

Mike: Send me a list, in case they're out of your top item.

Liebchen: You're always included here.

The Bug: You are! And, yes!

Little Ms Blogger: Understandable.

Tina: Not even a little? *nudge*nudge*

kansasmediocrity: Congratulations! 11 years is something to be proud of.

Bowie Mike: You have an open invitation to comment here. Yes, you do. Yes, you do. (I was beginning to wonder if you'd bailed on me. Thanks for coming through!) I was a younger child, too. Hmmm, maybe there is a connection.

Barbara: Same here. I didn't want to be on their stinky team anyway. *pout*

Kate said...

What's Omega?

Bowie Mike said...

I suspected that you were one of the younger siblings in your family. The birth order book that I read suggests that younger kids in the family are funnier. Maybe one day they'll discover a link between birth order and a propensity to blog.

Maya said...

OK, two things:

The last few orgies I figured I wasn't invited, but all the ones before that I'm pretty sure I was.

I am an only child and blog every day. What does that say about me? hmmmm

alexa - cleveland's a plum said...

i know what you are feeling here, totally been there. i tend to err on the side of caution as well.

i don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that though.