09 November 2009

How not to get a job

[Applying for jobs is never easy.]

Important background information for today's story: my job is not in Staffing, so this clown is cold-calling the wrong gal. And, now, on with our show.

A Recent Call (or How Not to Impress Me)

*phone rings*

Me: Hello?

Him: Yes, do you work at [org name]?

Me: *pause* Yes...

Him: Yes, can you help me get job with [org name]? I want to work for [org name]. My name is _____ and I would like job. I am very good at the work I do. [He goes on for 10 minutes without pausing on the type of job he's looking for.]

Me: Yes, well--

Him: It is very hard to get job now. I have family.

Me: Have you applied at [simple web-site name]?

Him: I made resume at [simple web-site name].

Me: Great! Then you're half-way there. Have you searched for jobs with [org name] at [simple web-site name]?

Him: No. I lose my job. I am American citizen. I lose my job. I lose my house. I have to get job! I have children. [He goes on to tell me such a tale of woe, I wonder if his true calling is writing country songs.]

Me, interrupting him: We've actually been advertising positions lately on [simple web-site name] so you can do a search and match your resume to those ads.

Him: I need job. It is very bad. I must get job.

Me: Yes. If you go to [simple web-site name] you can search the current listings and match your skills to the ads.

Him: Can you send me the information in email of everything I must do to get job?


Him: It is very bad time to lose job. Very bad.

Me: If you go to [simple web-site name] and search for the current ads for [org name], I think you'll find positions you can apply for.

Him: I have to get job. I have family.


Him: What is your name, please?

Me: You called me.

Him: ...Well, yes... I...

Me: I have to go. *click*

Yes, it IS a terrible time to not have a job. (Is there a good time? No, but, he's right: it's suckier than usual.) All the more reason why he should work hard to make a good first impression. Based on what I heard, does he deserve a job with my organization? Doubtful.

Let's review...

Strike 1: He managed to call me versus the department he should have called and prattled on instead of bothering to ask if he had the right department.

Strike 2: He told me why his life sucked as opposed to why I should hire him.

Strike 3: When I gave him good information on how to pursue opportunities, instead of thanking me, he asked me to do work on his behalf. Not exactly showing off his can-do attitude, is he?


Gilahi said...

I think you tried a lot harder for this guy than I would have. After the second time pointing him to a web page, he woulda been hung up on.

Brando said...

Watch, it'll turn out that he's the boss's son and misdialed you...

kys said...

That cartoon is really funny!

Drama Queen said...

Too funny! You are far more patient than I ever would have been! Good luck to that guy!

The Bug said...

I worked in HR for 6 years before my current job - thank goodness I wasn't on the recruiting end. I just got to deal with our employees - which was a lovely task in and of itself. The recruiters got to deal with all the folks who thought they'd be perfect for us simply because they needed work. I'm a softy, but even I knew that if the person didn't know how to jump through the hoops of our application process they probably wouldn't be able to last in one of our positions.

Bowie Mike said...

Love the cartoon!

You were kind and helpful, and there's no shame in that. This guy obviously didn't grow up in this area, and I keep having to remind myself that things don't work the same way here as they do in other parts of the world. I wonder if he was waiting for you to extend some sort of offer where you would provide employment and he would cut you in on the action with a regular payment. I don't know. Just a thought. Maybe far fetched.

A friend of mine that grew up outside the US told me how he had to bring payoff money to get his driver's license. Transactions like that are understood and accepted in other parts of the world.

FoggyDew said...

You were more helpful than you needed to be. The guy was lucky to get you on the phone to start with, and he screwed it up.

I just went through the whole read resumes/phone interview/live interview/job offer than and it was more draining than I expected. Don't get me wrong, it was fun, but I think I need a couple of months before I do it again.

mylittlebecky said...

bleh. i just don't understand how people can get so far in life and not know how to not mess up simple steps to get a job. frustrating.

Liebchen said...

I've mostly gotten calls from students who don't understand the phrase, "I'm sorry, but we don't have any internships available right now."

Not only are you not going to convince me that we need you, but I'm also not the person you need to convince. Save your breath.

Narm said...

Turkey Burger

Little Ms Blogger said...

So, what you're saying is that I should cancel my plans to call you and ask for a job?


I thought his tactic sounded BRILLIANT...

Brutalism said...

Salespeople do the EXACT same thing so often that it is rare and refreshing when one contacts me who will ACTUALLY LET ME TALK and ASK QUESTIONS to determine if or how he/she can help me, rather than going on for ten minutes with their canned speech. I am stunned by how little listening goes on in these types of situations.

Titania said...

This was too funny, I would have almost thought somebody was doing a prank on me. Anyhoo, you're nicer than I am, I would have told him "wrong number" and hung up on him. Maybe I should learn to stay on the line to get more blogging material

Alice said...

sucks for that guy, but how badly you need a job does not in any equate to how qualified you are to get one. as he so deftly proved.

Felisa said...

It was hard for me to read anything after I saw the cartoon... too funny!

People ARE desperate for jobs though. I was desperate for a better one before the school year started and it took SO much energy every single time I talked to the person who was about to hire me not to go on a pitiful monologue about how much I needed the job. Fortunately, I managed not to beg and acted normally... and I got the job!

Barbara said...

I have mixed feelings about this guy. The first question though is how he was able to get your number?

Having hired many a new employee, I must admit to an immediate prejudice against someone who says something like "I need to get job" in broken English. I once hired an Indian woman who spoke like that and she turned out to be a disaster.

On the other hand, this guy is clearly desperate. I do have sympathy for someone with a wife (possibly non-working) and kids and no job.

You wonder what his skills are, whether there might be a gem of an employee under that pleading immigrant facade. I hope he makes his way through the necessary bureaucracy to get job once again.

f.B said...

yeah. i don't like being pushed, even when i understand why people are desperate or really driven. i still appreciate when they can be that and polite.

Drama Queen said...

You left a comment today on my blog which showed that we really are twins separated at birth...the "anal glaucoma" comment?!

If you check this link, http://couponsherri.blogspot.com/2009/04/im-not-coming-into-work.html, I had posted that back in April! :)

We really do think alike!

Have a blessed day!

Mike said...

I think you just let this guy rattle on to get a post for today. If I were your coworkers, I'd becareful about what I said in the bathroom tomorrow.

Herb of DC said...

I tried to disguise my voice :-(

Alex said...

Even if the guy was totally clueless, I'm glad you were nice to him. It sounds like he's from somewhere else and may not know our customs, and he sounds pretty desperate.

lacochran said...

Gilahi, Drama Queen, Titania, Alex: Don't put me up for sainthood yet. I did note the incoming phone number before I hung up. Sure enough, he called back. Three times. Somehow, no answer... huh!

Brando: Doh!

kys: Glad you liked it.

The Bug: It's a good test.

Bowie Mike: I clearly live in the wrong part of the world.

FoggyDew: Even if you're up for it, it takes a lot of energy.

mylittlebecky: Agreed.

Liebchen: It's tempting to break in with "Let me stop you right there..."

Narm: Ha! I've been turkey burgered by Narm! I'm gonna go write that on the bathroom wall. This is definitely the high point of my life. Wait, was it good for you, too? Oh, who cares. Turkey burger!!!!

Little Ms Blogger: Never hurts to try. Oh, wait. It does.

Brutalism: That's the training in sales--just keep talking. But you're right, the best sales people listen more than they talk.

Alice: Well put!

Felisa: See? Begging=bad. Not begging=good.

Barbara: I'd tell you how I think he got my number but then other people might take the same approach and ruin all my quiet time.

f.B: ExACTly.

Drama Queen: :) I heard it from Gary Muledeer.

Mike: Hehhehheh.

Herb of DC: :)

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Man, I wish Mrs. Doubtfire would call ME.

Brett said...

welcome to my goddamn life. staffing. jesus.

spleeness said...

I've been wanting to write about a total fail in the job request dept too but I just can't summon up the energy. THIS is priceless. My experience was just annoying. Some guy calls me to ask about a job. Because I'm nice, I offer some websites he can use to search for jobs, since he asked. In the middle of my offering him help, he goes, "Hold up, can I put you on hold a sec?" (rude behavior #1) and then (when he returned) pulled a "but I need a job!" scene, like your guy. I should have hung up much much earlier!!