04 November 2009

"By the sea, by the sea, by the beautiful sea" --Atteridge and Caroll

[Obviously, not me. Who the heck wears pearls to snorkel? That's just inviting an oyster uprising.]

"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." --Kevin James

We went snorkeling in Cozumel.

Well, mostly, I went snorkeling in short bursts and the husband pretended I wasn't about to get eaten by a great white shark. He was rather convincing in pretending not to be concerned. In fact, he looked like he dozed off there on his beach chair, but I'm sure it was just to reassure me that there was no cause for concern, despite my dramatic goodbye speeches and forlorn last hand wave. Every. Single. Time. I. Went. Out.

So, snorkeling: I go out into the sea and I look around and, well, that's it. But there's some pretty amazing things out there, even without the great white or the giant squid or that thing that offed the Crocodile Wrestler.*

So, on the last day before we were to head back, when the husband said he'd do the snorkel thing with me**, I was pleased. We both went out into the sea and looked around. And there was pointing! Yes, honest to god pointing! By both of us. And maybe by a fish or two. There was so much to see!

But, here's where we differ. Where I would get a little freaked out when I found myself in a school of fish and worry that I might accidentally flipper one of them, the husband was reaching out trying to touch the parrot fish.

Anyway, even more amazing, I'm talking with an acquaintance about snorkeling in Cozumel and the following conversation ensues:

Him: Yeah, if you don't mind them biting.

Me: What?

Him: The fish bite your nipples.

Me: Whaaaat?!?

Him: You probably kept your top on.

Me: Yeah...?

Him: Every time I go snorkeling the fish bite my nipples.

Me: You're kidding.

Him: No, I'm serious. *pause* They don't bite hard.

Which leads to the simultaneously delicate and indelicate question du jour: Ever had your nipples nibbled by a fish?

* Well, he didn't really hunt them, now, did he?

** Not a euphemism.


The Bug said...

I've only been snorkeling once in my life - Snorkeling with the Stingrays! Meh. I thought I would suffocate because I didn't know what I was doing & hadn't practiced enough. But I'm pretty sure there was no nipple nibbling - & I did have my suit on.

OK, this is just bizarre - my word verif. is fishau. Really?

Kate said...

Um. The only time I went snorkeling when I finally got brave enough to put my face in the water (and I'm in knee deep water here) I screamed and ended up with a mouthfull of saltwater and subsequent nasal irrigation because I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS SURROUNDED BY FISH!

Drama Queen said...

No, I can't say that I've ever had my nipples bit...but I've had a fish nibble on a wart. Ewwwwww....I know, TMI. But seriously - I guess those little niblets, such as warts, nipples, skin tags - look like....well, niblets, to a fish...and so they may be quite tasty....

Now, when I go into the ocean, I FREAK. OUT. when a fish gets too close. I wiggle every part of my body as fast as I can to put the fear of God into any swimming creature to not come close to me. Period. Do not get into my personal space, fish. Seriously.


*Jac* said...

A guy on my bf's hockey team had his nipple bitten off by a fish. True story.

Cyndy said...

I've never heard of this before, but I thinks it's hilarious! I can't wait to ask my husband if that's ever happened to him. He never mentioned it.

Tina said...

Nipples no - toes once.

If you liked Snorkeling you should try Snuba - it doesn't take as much coordinated breathing.

Gilahi said...

Just so you know, fish will eat your feet.

The Maiden Metallurgist said...

Haha! I've never taken my top off!

Every time I go snorkeling I get lock jaw.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Unless 'fish' is code name for a human being, I'd have to go with no.

I guess a tropical fish tank is out of my future.

Liebchen said...

I have never been snorkeling. I want (wanted?) to, but I don't really relish being nibbled.

f.B said...

This sounds like reason #37 why I am content on land.

Mike said...

I'm the nibbler, not the nibblee.

Bowie Mike said...

I've never heard of that. Do you suppose the fish are thinking "mommy," "lunch" or "oh baby?" And do you suppose that the phrase "more than a mouthful is a waste" originated in the fish world?

Lisa said...

Really??? Wow.

PQ said...

I just love that you quoted Kevin James.

Alice said...

gilahi beat me to it - i was going to link to the fish pedicure too.

i've been snorkling.. i don't know, maybe 6 or 8 times? and i've never had a fish even approach the nips. granted, i was never topless, but they didn't seem to be going after dudes' chests either..

Dmbosstone said...

You lost me at nipple.

erin said...

Wouldn't you have just died if he would have continued about how tantalizing and exciting it is to get bitten on the nipples by fish?

kys said...

My in-laws tried to force me to snorkel in Hawaii. Uh, I can't swim.

Toe said...

Don't parrot fish have those beak things that eat coral? I'm sure that kind of nibble will take a nip off.

I've snorkeled in Maui and never had a nippler.

Janet Kincaid said...

That's just downright more personal than I want to get with a fish, thankyouverymuch. Fish are for nibbling, not being nibbled by. Just sayin'...

Barbara said...

Nope. I find the fish are usually not in the least curious about humans. They just gracefully figure out how to swim around us as we gawk and point. I find the colors to be simply amazing!

That Girl said...

That's better than my snorkeling stories.
Story A:
This happened when I was... between 8 and 10, I think. Went to Maui for vacation. The snorkel rental place gave me a snorkel that's mouthpiece had been gnawed off so I had to use one of my parent's, meaning one of them always had to stay with me so I wouldn't drown or be abducted. People were saying that there were turtles out past the rocks, so of course me and my dad go out to look. And then get caught in a current. No matter how hard we swam we couldn't get anywhere. My dad told me to go to the rocks along the shore, and for some reason I thought he was going to committ suicide or something. In the end, we were rescued by a boogie boarder.
And then in Mexico the water was too cloudy or infested with jellyfish. Exciting stories, I know.

lacochran said...

The Bug: Thanks for weighing in. Wv knows all.

Kate: Right?! You think you're seeing what's there and then you put a mask on and OMG! They're everywhere! It's like a Hitchcock film!

Drama Queen: Hey, at least you warn them.

*Jac*: Ow! Did he have reconstructive surgery? Are there nipple donors?

Cyndy: Oh, I'm guessing he would if it had.

Tina: Did it tickle? (I hope.) Less coordination required? You're singing my song.

Gilahi: That doesn't sound appealing either.

The Maiden Metallurgist: Lock jaw? For realz?

Little Ms Blogger: Well, you could get a tropical fish tank and just stay out of it. No?

Liebchen: I've never been nibbled and I've been snorkeling a dozen times.

f.B: I can see where this might put you off.

Mike: Top of the food chain and proud!

Bowie Mike: Ha! Well played!

Lisa: So he said.

PQ: I laugh myself to tears every time I see Sweat the Small Stuff. SO funny!

Alice: Same here. Maybe in the areas we go snorkeling the fish are more well behaved?

Dmbosstone: I always do.

erin: Yes!

kys: Did they boycott the wedding?

Toe: Glad to hear you're intact.

Janet Kincaid: I agree.

Barbara: Same here.

That Girl: So, you never saw the turtles? Bummer.

Titania said...

Hmmm, No. But I have never been snorkeling. Now, if I ever go, now I have and additional reason not to take my top off. Not that I would anyway

Maya said...

No, just the toes. I've always had my top on. At least around nibbling fish.