23 November 2009

"These are things that I don't understand" --Coldplay


I've come to realize I am not without my hangups.*

I tend to think the husband and I break down the stereotypes of what a "man" does and what a "woman" does.** He's happy to let me drive when I want. I'm happy to let him wrap presents when he wants. It isn't that the other can't do it. It's just that we tend to be "equal opportunity" on these things.

So, tell me something... *stretches out on couch*

Psychoanalyze me...

I was just included on a "recipe exchange" email. The kind where you send a recipe to the name on the top of the list, take that name off the list, add your name to the bottom of the list and send it to 20 people. I did that. As I did it, I picked 20 women to annoy--er, include in the mailing.

Here's my issue. Why did I pick all women? I know men who are great cooks and bakers, the husband included. Yet, when it came to a "recipe exchange" suddenly I was in Witness with the men raising a barn and the women swapping recipes. Which is silly.**** Do men even "do" formal recipe exchanges? I have no idea.

If you are a man, would you have wanted to be included in my recipe exchange*****? If you are a woman and hypothetically participating in the exchange, would you have included men's names? Am I an idiot for getting involved in a recipe exchange at all?******




* What do you mean, "I know"?

** Besides the most obvious. We still stick to those.***

***He burps and scratches. I do the scantily clad pillow fights.

****I look terrible in those little caps.

*****Not a euphemism.

******I know a woman who knows a woman who has an aunt who once broke a recipe exchange and her souffles fell for seven years straight! I am NOT making this part up.*******

*******I am TOTALLY making this part up.

21 comments:

Bowie Mike said...

No, I'm not interested in the recipe exchange, thank you.

I think that there is truth in gender stereotypes. I'm not sure if we unknowingly perpetuate it when we raise our kids, but there is truth in it. And of course there are many exceptions. In our house, my wife does most of the cooking, and I am responsible for most things lawn and car related. But I am the better present wrapper (she hates wrapping), and I find the keys that she loses.

I had an interesting gender related experience on Saturday. I volunteered at a swim meet, and I was co-responsible for selling programs and t-shirts. I was working with a mother who was also volunteering. At the end of the day, she was thanking me left and right like I did a super deed. So I said, "Noooooo, thank yooooooou!" The reality of the situation was that we were both parents who were volunteering for the same activity, except she got there 30 minutes before I did. But in the end, she acted like I made a greater contribution. Sometimes the bar is set low for men. In fact, I swear that I've been called "wonderful" after simply putting my dirty plate from dinner in the dishwasher (by my mother in-law, not my wife - my wife knows better).

LiLu said...

I think your unequal ratio of women to men has more to do with (my) perception that women like to connect through things like that, whereas men would view it as junkmail. At least B would, despite the fact that he is a far, FAR better cook than I.

The Bug said...

I second what LiLu said - my husband wouldn't even open it even though he's the cook. He doesn't like following recipes anyway - he likes to wing it. I like to wing it sometimes too & at those times we both wish we had a dog. Sigh.

I've had very little success with these recipe chains - I never get any recipes back. pfft.

frogponder said...

The Engineer cooks - over an open fire with a cast iron pot, with other males (boy scouts).

Narm said...

Are you trying to say it is weird that I also enjoy scantily clad pillow fights? Don't take this from me.

Alex said...

There definitely is something to the gender distinction here. I'm a guy, I like to cook, and yet if I got added to something like this, I'd flag it to go straight to my spam folder. I think LiLu hit the nail on the head.

Mike said...

******

repliderium.com said...

I think men assume that a recipe exchange would immediately give them "The gay."

Little Ms Blogger said...

My husband would tell me to do it, give great suggestions, but would put the responsibility on me to execute.

I LOVE to cook, but have little to no patience for chain letters.

I'm willing to take the risk my house will collapse on me (heck, it already happened with my kitchen ceiling).

Watch. I'll probably receive a dozen chain letters and will be cursing you.

Liebchen said...

Yeah, I can't see myself sending that email to many guys - mostly for the same reasons that Lilu (et al) have stated.

Also, during the holidays, the women on my block do a cookie exchange, where they all end up swapping and bringing deliciousness back. And the men decided to counter with a beer exchange. They all bring a six pack, then come back with six completely different beers. I think I like that idea better.

Kate said...

Interesting topic. I guess, if I ever got put on one of those recipe exchange lists, I would send it on to all women, too. In my life, women do most of the cooking and if they don't do most of it, they are usually the holders of the recipe boxes. Also, I think women are more prone to talking about cooking and baking with their girlfriends than men are.

My husband is a great cook, but he doesn't like to let on that he's any good. If word got out, he might be expected to do so on a regular basis, causing pigs to fly out of my ass. It wouldn't be pretty.

Tina said...

unless the recipies come with a handy house lef to do the cooking and clean up neither my husband or myself would have much use for this exercise. He can't cook and i don't like to - its work. I'm pretty much anti work overall. Especially work that can be avoided with a simple trip to the restaurant or a friend's house.

Maya said...

Janet does the cooking, therefore I have no opinion on this. Janet?

Lisa said...

I love the cartoon. I will probably never participate in a recipe exchange. Shockingly, my husband recently said he was going to. Huh.

justjp said...

Man law was in effect here! Men, no matter the age will ever ask another man for a recipe. He will ask the man's wife and tell the other guy how good the food was. It is a complex word we live in.

Kate said...

I sent mine off to several men. But I'm sure they'll ignore me.

Barbara said...

I think this is the recipe exchange that will never die! The first time I got it (years ago), I dutifully followed the directions and sent off the message to my "chain gang" of 20 women (yes, that would be ALL women). Many of them sent back such snarky responses that I just could never bring myself to do it again, not even with another set of 20 women. I have a lot of good recipes, make that GREAT recipes, which I will gladly pass on to anyone who wants them. I might even cook them for such a person, but I no longer want to keep the game going. But then, I generally don't do chain letters of any kind. I also don't buy lottery tickets. Maybe I need to lie on that couch...

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

I'm not a fan of recipe exchanges or any other kind of chain email. When I get them, I ignore them.

By the way--what's wrong with having "the gay." And what does that mean, anyway? If there's "the gay", what is it's opposite? "The straight." Lordy, but I wouldn't want to get that.

Maya said...

@J.M.: I don't think I'd want to get that either. Sounds scary!

lacochran said...

Bowie Mike: Amazing how little you have to do, huh?

LiLu: It seems like a lot of women view it as junkmail, too. Interestingly enough, the only recipe I received so far from this endeavor was from a man (who was invited through a woman I invited.) Huh!

The Bug: Dogs are great. That was your point, right?

frogponder: I wonder if someone's come up with a cookbook for that? Of course, the men who do it wouldn't read it...

Narm: I'll be you look fantastic!

Alex: She's pretty wise.

Mike: *******

repliderium.com: Not that there's anything wrong with that...

Little Ms Blogger: Can I get a chain letter on how to lift the curse?

Liebchen: Beer exchange!? Brilliant!

Kate: I'll bet the pigs are prettier than you think. Maybe with a little accessorizing...

Tina: House elf? Sounds like something Brookstone would carry.

Maya: So, no recipes from you, then.

Lisa: You two shock convention all the time. :)

justjp: I don't know how you guys do it. *shakes head* So many rules to keep up with.

Kate: Not entirely! As discussed, what I got, I got from a man through you!

Barbara: Not a fan of "you gotta play to win", hm?

J.M. Tewkesbury: Not a thing, dear.

Jamie said...

A little late to the game here, but anyway...

I think that women are a lot more likely to respond to this kind of email. It has nothing to do with the content, and its relevance to men or women. I couldn't possibly say why, but whenever I get any kind of "chain" email (or alternatively, dire virus warning, usually BS), it's been forwarded by a female friend.

I am sure a psychologist theorize as to why. But I rarely get such things from men, and personally never respond to them.