01 October 2008

Want to come over and view my Vintage Experiences?


Over here.

Can you keep a secret?

I've been receiving Dan Berger's Vintage Experiences now for probably three months. Pretty exciting, right?! Yes, that Dan Berger!!

It just started showing up in the mailbox one day. Now, you're going to laugh at me and my provincial ways but would you believe I didn't know who Dan Berger was? I had no idea why I was the recipient of his Vintage Experiences.

*chuckles, shakes head*
I know! Bumpkin, right?!

Dan's web-site describes the Dan Berger Vintage Experiences as "a four-page weekly wine commentary" (it is!) which covers stories of the (wine) industry, (wine) news, (wine) commentary and (wine) ratings (it does!). Subscriptions are available for the shockingly low price of $95.00 if you are in the "wine industry trade" (which I am not) or the delightfully low price of $58.00 if you are a "special consumer" (also which I am not.)

Well, that's not entirely true. I am a consumer of wines. And I always felt a little special. Not in a Jerry's kids way. More of a Matrixy/we've-been-waiting-for-you-so-hop-into-your-black-latex-outfit way. And I guess this confirms it. Since I am not paying the $58.00 rate or even a penny and yet I am still awash in Dan Berger's Vintage Experiences.

It makes me feel a little naughty. Like maybe Dan should be saving some of his Vintage Experiences for his wife... or girlfriend... or boyfriend... or Pomeranian. Or maybe someone who is interested in his wine tidbits.*

Me? I'm interested in drinking wine. I read local wine reviews like Dezel's because I go to local wineries. Where... I drink wine.

Just because I signed up for an Alexandria, VA wine shop's mailing list in hopes of hearing about wine tastings doesn't mean I'm, you know, into Dan's kind of action. Little did I know the shop would be pimping out my address to the highest bidder and that this was a gateway set up.

Dan's in California, forgawdssake.

I'm in over my head. The Experiences just keep coming!

I... I guess I could go on the website and cancel the subscription that I never requested in the first place.

And, yet... I have to admit... all this attention is pretty flattering.

* Euphemism? You decide.


Narm said...

You wear black-latex, too? And here I thought I was a weirdo.

Reya Mellicker said...

You are special.

Poor Dan - not so much!

Lemmonex said...

It is pretty hard to feel special in this cold, cruel world sometimes. Take it where you can get it.

GreenCanary said...

I feel badass when I wear my black latex. If I want to feel special, I add a hat.

Bilbo said...

You should subscribe to Wine Spectator. It comes once a month, and a different postman brings it each time because they all get hernias from lifting it. Each issue is half the size of a tennis court, weighs about 750 pounds, and consists roughly of 92% advertising for wines nobody who isn't a DC lawyer, an oil baron, or CEO of a Fortune 500 company can afford. But if you need something to put under a short table leg, it can't be beat.

fiona said...

Dan the man obviously thinks your special...wondering if he heard about the black latex? Could explain everything!

lacochran said...

Narm: The two are not mutually exclusive.

Reya: You are sweet.

Lemmonex: Absolutely.

GreenCanary: I'd picture something with a feather but given your name, probably not.

Bilbo: My tables are level, it's the world that isn't.

Fiona: How could he? Nobody knows but us.

Herb of DC said...

Has Dan addressed ordering fine wine in a restaurant? I am never sure what to do when the waiter asks me to sniff his finger before pouring the wine.

lacochran said...

Herb of DC: Sniffing is okay but don't pull!