10 October 2008

"All I want is your extra time and your..."--Prince

[Klimt demonstrates the hold-her-face-like-a-Subway-sandwich-cheek-sucking kiss.]

I heard a woman announce that she had spent some of her weekend teaching her teenage son how to kiss because, after all, being able to kiss was very important.

When we looked at her with blatant shock and disgust, she corrected herself to say she explained to him how women want to be kissed and encouraged him to practice on his hand.

A) Despite multiple blog posts on the interwebs offering kissing advice, I'm not at all convinced you can teach someone to kiss. Either they've got it, instinctively, or they don't. Can I get an amen?

B) Is this kid gonna be effed up, or what? Who is the last person you want to talk about kissing with? Thaaaaat's right.


Bilbo said...


fiona said...

Poor kid.
No amount of self abuse (hand kissing) is going to help!
If he's a typical guy (? given his parent) he's just going to be a crap kisser with a bruised hand.
Let the girlfriends do the job they were born to!

Mike said...

Amen #2

rs27 said...

Let's pretend I didn't read this.

I'm scarred.

Ibid said...

I thought parents gave those talks as punishment.

GreenCanary said...

AMEN! I'm supremely glad my parents didn't try to teach me anything. I'd NEVER get out of therapy. For reals.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

AMEN!! And again I say, Amen!

And you're right: either you've got it or you ain't. There's no maybe in kissing.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Bilbo: Thank you, Brother Bilbo. Praise be.

Fiona: Huh. I grew up with a whole different definition for "self abuse".

Mike: Thank you, Brother Mike. And please stop removing money from the collection plate.

Rs27: Then you're not kissing right.

Ibid: She seemed to relish it. Sick, I tell ya.

GreenCanary: Thank you, Sister GreenCanary. A special blessing of the birds is next Thursday.

J.M. Tewkesbury: Thank you, Sister J.M. Tewkesbury. And thank you, again. Hallelujah. You're right... no maybe at all.

Reya Mellicker said...

E W W W W W !!

Doug said...

On one hand, it's good that the kid's mom cares... on the other hand... hello ickyness??? sheesh. Think that kid might have some mother issues when he gets older?

lacochran said...

Reya: That's what I thought, yeah.

Doug: Big time.