06 October 2008

"The more I get of you the stranger it feels, yeah"--Seal

Sometimes people are stupid. I mean besides me.

What? You noticed this, too? Why didn't you warn me?

A few months back, my boss volunteered me to help strategize on a struggling project and this has meant my meeting with a core team of three others (Team Leader, Team Member, and someone we'll call Snookums) at least once a week. If I'm lucky the meetings are only once a week.*

Here's the kind of thing that happens at these meetings...

Me: What're we working on today?

Team Lead: Um, there's a fire. I guess that's different. Why don't we go around the table and check in on previous actions--

Me: Wait, did you say there was a fire?! The building is on fire?!

Team Lead: A little... I've never really dealt with a fire before. So, how about we start with last week's presentation?

Team Member: Once, I saw a fire.

Team Lead: Really?

Team Member: Yeah, we called the Fire De--

Snookums: You know what goes good with fire? S'mores. Did you ever have S'mores? Once I went camping and we--


As you can see, my strategic input is always constructive.

Anyhoo, right before a critical deadline we had one of these core team meetings and Snookums flaked. Total no show. This was Friday at 11:00 a.m. The rest of us sucked it up and did what needed to be done. We made the deadline and got the product delivered.**

Come Monday, we got an email from Snookums explaining that she didn't make it back to work after her hair appointment. Her appointment ran a little long and she couldn't be bothered to come all the way back to work after that for only a few hours. It just wasn't worth it.

That's what she wrote.

In e-mail.

Yeah, the kind of email I could oh-so-easily forward to her boss.

So flippin' stupid is our Snookums.

You want to blow off work, Snookums? Next time, for your own good, maybe try a little less honesty. Try, um, sick child. That's popular. Or, hm, emergency flooding at home. That's always viable. Couldn't be bothered to shlep back to work after you got your hair done?! Not feelin' it, Snookums. Not feelin' it at all.

* At least these give me something to put on my weekly status report. This week's status report: Managed to keep from getting stabby. Briefly.

** This is about as impressive as my businessspeak gets.


Anonymous said...

Not that I would ever blow-off work myself, but I have heard that the "I had some bad sushi at lunch" line work well.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Mary Chapin Carpenter once intoned in a song, "Call in well and laugh when they believe it." Perhaps Snookums was taking advice from the songstress of the Blue Ridge?

Seriously, I can't believe she emailed that in. Let me guess: she dresses in skirts that are a tad too short for business attire, pink is a common theme in her wardrobe and accessories, and she talks in a voice reminiscent of a 15-year old.

Yeah, can you tell what my tolerance level is for the Snookums of the world?

Bilbo said...

I prefer the line, "I was kept away by illness and fatigue." That sounds better than saying, "I'm sick and tired of the whole thing."

rs27 said...

Seal would not have put up with this.

Mike said...

volunteered me
core team

You were screwed from the beginning.

Kate said...

And how do these people stay employed? Seriously.

GreenCanary said...

I love how she didn't email you until MONDAY. I am a total waste of space at work, but at least I email promptly when engaging in truancy.

Kristin said...

I broke my tooth and went to work. Left to go to the dentist for drilling without Novocaine and still went back to the office. Long hair appointment?! Use my excuse; I'm not using it.

Gilahi said...

Jury duty. I can prove it.

wc#3 said...

I tried the Jury duty excuse once. I didn't know at the time my boss's father was a judge... needless to say I was fired :D

Reya Mellicker said...

The commitment of your co-workers to their jobs is incredible, and their willingness to let everyone know how much their jobs mean to them is, uh ...

Good luck!

lacochran said...

RestaurantRefugee: *scribbling* "bad sushi"


J.M. Tewkesbury: Sorry to blow your stereotype but, no. Stupid comes in all shapes and sizes.

Bilbo: Clever. :)

Rs27: Seal is much more gifted than I am.

Mike: You speak the truth. You'd never make it in my organization. Or would you??

Kate: People like me take our frustrations to blogs instead of ratting them out?

GreenCanary: She's stupid and unorganized. I'm guessing she just didn't think that far in advance.

Kristin: Maybe you should. *ouch* Hope you're on the mend.

Gilahi: The OJ trial is already over so I'm not buying your story.

Wc#3: Whoops!

Reya: Their commitment brings a tear to the eye... and a clench to the fist.

Mike said...

lacochran: 31 years at the phone company. Meetings? I've been to meetings. But I remember towards the end of my career a newbee said aren't you going to the meeting? It's manditory. I said sign in for me will you? I got some paint I need to watch dry.