01 July 2008

Breaking News? More Like Broken News.

Am I missing something?

These days it has become vogue for television and radio news people to announce dramatically, "Analysts predict that gas prices may top [insert current gas price rounded up to next dollar level here] by [insert next federal holiday here]."

So let me get this straight... there's an analyst somewhere getting paid to study the situation who believes that gas prices are going to continue to ...rise? Wow. Brilliant analysis. Whodathunkit? Glad we have these special analysts on the job.

When did news stop being news and start being pronouncements of the freakin' obvious? Of course gas prices are going to continue to rise. Somebody (besides these analysts) is getting filthy, stinkin' rich on this and it ain't us.

Here's my analysis for free and, yeah, you may quote me: We'll be lucky if prices only rise at the rate the analysts are predicting.


GreenCanary said...

This just in: GreenCanary predicts that her level of hunger will increase if she doesn't go and eat some lunch soon.

Well look at that... I could be a newscaster.

Bilbo said...

Ah, lacochran...I have found another soul-curmudgeon! I thought my beloved Agnes was the only one. Your rant is right on target...I'm reminded of a popular Pentagon saying that an expert doesn't know any more on a subject than you do, he's just better organized and has slides. MY slides tell me we're going to keep getting screwed by the oil industry. Sadly, no one will pay me for that keen insight into the obvious.

rs27 said...

Jim Cramer is pissed at this post.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

In today's 24 hour news cycle, everyone's an expert. So often, when I watch the news, I talk to the t.v. This is usually what I say when stuff like this is reported: "Well, duh? What? Do you think we're stupid?" All I can surmise is, our leaders and those in charge of the news really believe we're stupid.

Oh horror! I just realized something. Maybe only a handful of us are smart, but the majority of us really are stupid. Good God! Could someone get an analyst on that ASAP, please!

Reya Mellicker said...

Your shaving post is a hoot. Hey honey, senior moments aren't just for old geezers like myself anymore. With fractured attention spans and too much going on, even fresh young thangs such as yourself can have lapses. Oh yeah!!

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Have you also noticed everything is breaking news - like something about stupid Angelina is breaking news.

I love Fox News but everything is a FOX NEWS ALERT - Will Smith has been abducted by the alien force known as Tom Cruise

lacochran said...

Greencanary: You could! And you'd be better than the current crop.

Bilbo: In my last job, if you were labeled an "expert" it meant you were probably obsolete.

rs27: I'm glad I could draw him out of his complacency.

J.M.: 49% of the population has below average intelligence. Then, again, 80% of statistics are made up. We always like to think we're in the "smart" group. Even when they give us books that are predominantly pictures.

Reya: It's been a long time since anyone referred to me as fresh or young! Obnoxious, sure. But not fresh or young.

CH 20210: Now they don't even wait for the news. They scrawl "breaking news" over the top of whatever you're watching. As if it's important. It's rarely important.

Justin The Critic said...

I like your picture on top of tis add, the muppet reporter is awsome. I love the site.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Justin: Thanks! Muppets rock!