Lacochran's Business Rule #3: After making sure your boss is happy and realizing work isn't really about you, the most important skill to master is being able to sit in a room of painfully boring people for hours on end and not look bored. This means you do not do any of the following behaviors, each of which I swear to you, lovely reader, I've seen:
- Snort derisively*
- Drum your fingers incessantly, especially to tunes like Wipe Out
- Play video games on your phone/PC
- LOL at the IM/email you just received
- Photoshop your personal photos on your PC
- Do glut, or any other muscle clenching, sets
- Pick your teeth, your ears, or your nose (with great concentration, no less!)
- "Adjust" yourself repeatedly
- Pass non-business notes
- Yawn loudly
- Lay your head on the conference table (unless you have the special haircut featured in the photo above)
- Lay your head on your neighbor's shoulder
- Lean back in your chair so far that the chair tips
- Focus on the ceiling
- Focus out the window
- Focus on the chest/crotchal area of the person across from or next to you
- Roll your eyes***
- Look at each person that speaks as if they are the most interesting person on the flippin' planet
- Repeat SILENTLY to yourself, "They're paying me buckets of money for this" and smile serenely.
* Snort appreciatively, all you want.
** The manager asked at the end of the meeting "You think we should wake him up or just leave?"
*** This is particularly challenging for me as this is an almost constant expression. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Honest. It's not you, it's me. Call me?