15 July 2008

String Theory


I know this is not new but, still, I've been wondering...

When did we decide we wanted cheese to be stringy?

Is it too vexing to have a wheel, block or slice of cheese? Wasn't cheese in a can offensive enough?

Do we really need cheese in string form? Are we planning to weave it into necklaces and decorative planters? Anyone using it, like Indiana Jones uses his whip, to get out of tight spots? I'm all for convenience but in this case perhaps we have tilted too far.

Next thing they'll be trying to put strudel in a toaster.

Oh.

I can't help but think this drive toward convenience is robbing us of some basic food wonderfulness. We want things freeze-dried, condensed, preserved, fat free, sugar free, and in a portable plastic pouch but somehow the same as the original. Perhaps my Luddite qualities are showing. I'm all for refrigeration and canned goods and such... but I don't want my cheese stringy. Am I alone here?

16 comments:

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Cheese stringy is wrong on every level. And, unlike real cheese, it's horrible warm. Blech.

But worse than string cheese? Canned pasta dishes. Downright criminal, if you ask me.

lacochran's evil twin said...

JM: You ever try fat free cheese? Nasty! Low fat is edible but not quite the cheesy goodness you've come to know. Confession: I used to love Spaghetti O's when I was a kid. I can't stomach them now. Slimy, mushy pasta in catsup, basically.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

fat free cheese should be against the law - it has no taste.

Totally agree with you on string cheese, I think the idea was for kids - give them something more to play with at the table.

The only canned pasta I can tolerate is Spaghetti O's

lacochran's evil twin said...

CH 20210: And the texture on fat free cheese is all wrong. Rubber city.

Bilbo said...

What's wrong with stringy cheese? It allows mice to do macrame and indulge their mousy gourmet bondage fantasies. It's not for me, of course. Neither is cheese spread from a spray can...ugh. Or anything that says on the label "processed cheese food." That can make me run screaming. Gimme a big slab of hard cheese or a slice of gooey, soft, smelly cheese any time. With fruit. And a good wine. Darn, now I can't concentrate on my work...

Lynne said...

Hi, I've been lurking - found you through crissyspage. You're very funny! I don't get string cheese either and it always disappoints me because I can never properly separate it to get an actual string. I could never weave anything even if I wanted to.

Narm said...

You are the second blogger this week to use the word Luddite - great now I have to go figure out what it means.

And I like my cheese no strings attached.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Bilbo: "Mousy gourmet bondage"--now THERE's a name for a band.

Lynne: Thanks! :) The one time I tried it, it sort of shredded unevenly on me rather than giving me nice licorice-like ropes. So it's really semi-string cheese. Feh.

Narm: Sorry about the homework. But I'll give you extra credit if you find a way to work "mousy gourmet bondage fantasies" into the definition.

rs27 said...

I still eat string cheese and none of your anti stringy bias will make me change my habits!

VIVA EL QUESO DE STRINGOLA!

Gilahi said...

You can almost hear the Kraft Foods scientists:

"We need to come up with a food that's the consistency of string."

"String? Cheez."

Cheese should only be stringy when it's being pulled away from a hot pizza or lasagna.

lacochran's evil twin said...

rs27: You may lead the string cheese revolution, but in the name of all things unstringy, I will lead the resistance!

VIVA LA RESISTANCIA!

Gilahi: Indeed. Does make me wonder if anyone has tried to cook with string cheese and what happens...?

GreenCanary said...

Read Twinkie, Deconstructed: My Journey to Discover How the Ingredients Found in Processed Foods Are Grown, Mined (Yes, Mined), and Manipulated into What America Eats by Steve Ettlinger. It's incredible what we do to food.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Greencanary: I fear if I read this I may never eat again!

Kristen said...

If it weren't for string cheese, my daughter would die of starvation.

I'm pro string cheese.

Sorry.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Kristen: Wow. I know kids that live off of little more than chicken nuggets but I didn't know there were kids living off string cheese. Again, I gotta go with... Wow.

Liz said...

Hee hee! My son, who is 3.5, will only eat one kind of cheese...you guessed it--string cheese! Oh, and lately it HAS TO BE Polly-o Twisters string cheese (mozzarella and cheddar, two-color). Oh, and it also has to be cold enough to NOT BE STRINGY AT ALL...they are cheese sticks, as far as he's concerned. When he sees someone eating it a string at a time, he looks at them like they are crazy.