24 July 2008

"And it seems such a waste of time, if that's what it's all about"--Billy Joel



Lacochran's Business Rule #3: After making sure your boss is happy and realizing work isn't really about you, the most important skill to master is being able to sit in a room of painfully boring people for hours on end and not look bored. This means you do not do any of the following behaviors, each of which I swear to you, lovely reader, I've seen:

  • Snort derisively*
  • Drum your fingers incessantly, especially to tunes like Wipe Out
  • Play video games on your phone/PC
  • LOL at the IM/email you just received
  • Photoshop your personal photos on your PC
  • Do glut, or any other muscle clenching, sets
  • Pick your teeth, your ears, or your nose (with great concentration, no less!)
  • "Adjust" yourself repeatedly
  • Pass non-business notes
  • Yawn loudly
  • Sleep/Snore**
  • Lay your head on the conference table (unless you have the special haircut featured in the photo above)
  • Lay your head on your neighbor's shoulder
  • Lean back in your chair so far that the chair tips
  • Focus on the ceiling
  • Focus out the window
  • Focus on the chest/crotchal area of the person across from or next to you
  • Roll your eyes***
or otherwise let anyone know you are bored to tears. What you can do:
  • Look at each person that speaks as if they are the most interesting person on the flippin' planet
  • Repeat SILENTLY to yourself, "They're paying me buckets of money for this" and smile serenely.

* Snort appreciatively, all you want.

** The manager asked at the end of the meeting "You think we should wake him up or just leave?"

*** This is particularly challenging for me as this is an almost constant expression. I don't even realize I'm doing it. Honest. It's not you, it's me. Call me?

8 comments:

Kristin said...

I've seen so many sleepers, including this one guy when we were delivering training. As in he and I were delivering train. When he wasn't napping.

lacochran said...

Kristin: Now *that's* bad.

Narm said...

Every time I step in a conference room it is like I took a double dose of Nyquil. I am the king of the heavy head bobbing up and down.

lacochran said...

Narm: At least it looks like you're agreeing.

Bilbo said...

I don't know if I do any of those or not, since I'm usually asleep. I think Narm and I understand each other.

lacochran said...

Now I have an image of Narm and Bilbo spooning during a meeting.

Scott said...

I've often wondered why we can't have tanks of laughing gas installed in the conference room. Everyone could take a hit as needed so the mind-numbing drudgery could be made really, well, mind numbing.

I wish I had read your blog before today's quarterly staff meeting. I'm guilty of the eye rolling thing myself.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Scott: Drugs: the future of American business. Has a nice ring to it.