05 August 2008

Life Would Be a Breeze, Shaboom, Shaboom

[A couple different Breezeways for your viewing pleasure.]

Greetings from Delta jail.

We flew Delta last week. When they started boarding they used a relatively standard order:

1) Special Assistance
2) First Class
3) Frequent Flyer Elite
4) Zone 1
5) Zone 2

The strange and wondrous part was that once they got through with the Special Assistance folks, they insisted that the First Class and Frequent Flyer Elite category people use the Breezeway and that other categories use the non-Breezeway route.

They had a divider consisting of two metal poles and a segment stretched between the poles like you might find in a bank. On one side was a mat that said "Breezeway". That was the only distinction we could see: the mat. Whether you went on the plebeian left side of the divider or the elite right side of the divider, you wound up at the gate in the same number of steps and dealt with the same Delta ticket checker.

When they called for First Class and instructed them to use the Breezeway, the First Class fliers dutifully lined up on the Breezeway side except for one, who was busy yammering on his cell phone. He tried to use the non-Breezeway side (!) and the Delta people snapped at him until he went back to the Breezeway side. Ahhhh, they say you get treated differently in First Class and it's so true!

When we landed, we walked through the gate and I saw a Breezeway mat and I WALKED ON IT. It was everything I'd dreamed of and oh, so much more! I'll long remember the gentle plushness of that Breezeway mat under my feet. Finally, I know how the other half lives. Sure, they carted me off to Delta jail but it was so worth it!

Please don't forget me. Tell my story so that one day we might all enjoy the blessings of the Breezeway. Oh, and please send supplies. Anything except Fisher peanuts, Lance crackers or Biscoff cookies. I'm sick of those.


Bilbo said...

You're lucky they didn't charge you $75 to walk on the Breezeway carpet, along with the $10 peanuts, $7.50 crackers, and $14.95 Bischoff cookies.

Narm said...

Is there a dumber grouping of people than at an airport? The consistency of stupidity is amazing.

Gilahi said...

At least they let you keep your computer so you could blog. I'll try to e-mail you a cake with a file in it.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

I have a lovely unopened can of Blue Diamond Jordan Almonds. Would you like those? How about some Ritter Sport chocolate?

Elitism drives me bats, especially in airports. I think Breezeways and their ilk were invented in this area, where 9 out 10 people feel they are more important than the other 9 out of 10 people around them. We've cornered the market on "Born to be First"!


Gilahi said...

Actually, it occurs to me that if I'm using e-mail, it would make more sense for me to send you a file with a cake in it.

lacochran said...

Bilbo: Amazingly, during the flights, I got one of these for free. And in jail, well, they have to feed you, don't they? Still, the waterboarding is getting old.

Narm: Even the more intelligent folks seem to become sheep. Stupid sheep, not the bright ones.

J.M.: I LOVE Jordan Almonds. I crash weddings in hopes that I might get some.

Gilahi: Can you send me files of really fabulous cakes? I've got a hankering for something with a lot of icing.

LivitLuvit said...

Un freaking believable... no wait. This is TOTALLY believable and indicative of everything I've ever encountered in an airport. Some are charging for any checked bags, now, too. Mother effing redic.

Tina said...

Actually the are also charging for the retarded mini blankets and pillows they used to give out too. I have to admit i had the experienc of flying on ANA in first class recently. It was a travel wet dream. The company sprang for it and now I'll be even more miserable when I have to fly to freaken Siberia in coach.

lacochran said...

Livitluvit & Tina: There were some people that ignored the carry-on restrictions and had to try to recombine/jam there bags together into one at the gate. Entertaining.