11 August 2008

Movie Spoilage


There are two types of people in the world: those who tell the ending of a movie to someone who hasn't seen the movie and those who don't. I fall squarely in the latter category. Except for today.

SPOILER ALERT: Today, I am going to give away the ending to three non-current movies. The movies are:

  • Up Close & Personal,
  • Thelma & Louise, and
  • Citizen Kane.
This is your chance to turn away from this page if you do not want to read information about the endings to any of these movies. You have been warned.

See what I did there? I gave you an option. You get to decide. I don't think that's too much to ask. But, check it, I have had the following conversations when they were timely:

Coworker A using copier: Hi blahblahblah.
Me, waiting for copier: Hi blahblahblah. How was your weekend?
Coworker A: Okay... I went with a friend to see the movie Up Close & Personal.
Me: Did you like it?
Coworker A: Well, yeah, except who would have expected Robert Redford to die at the end? That kind of sucked.
Me: *blink*
Coworker A: Did you have a good weekend?
Me: *glower*

Same deal, different coworker:
Coworker B: Have you seen Thelma & Louise?
Me: No.
Coworker B: Oh, I think you'd like it.
Me: Oh?
Coworker B: Well, you know they drive off a cliff at the end, right?
Me: *blink* ...No, I didn't know that.
Coworker B: Yeah, but it's integral to the story. Anyway, you should see it. I think you'd really like it.
Me: *glower*

What the heck is with people?

Maybe they'd like to tell me Rosebud was the name of Kane's sled, too.

If I'm going to watch a movie, I want to watch it from beginning to end and I want to (hopefully) be delighted with a fresh, new experience. I don't need anyone telling me how it ends. Or telling me about clever plot twists that might have surprised me if they hadn't given it away. Sheesh.

On a related rant: Have you noticed that "previews" now often show you all the plot points of the movie? So, it's not unusual to see a preview with scenes like this: "Boy meets girl. Boy dates girl. Boy and girl fight. Girl cries. Boy looks uncertain. Boy and girl rush into each other's arms and kiss." And I'd need to see this movie, why? Haven't I just seen it??

Extraspecialbonusparagraph: We spent the weekend on a pilgrimage to rs27's original home state. Rs, we mentioned your name at every bar we went to but people seemed oddly unmoved. We didn't get a single free drink or get thrown out! Makes no sense. We did spend an inordinate amount of time "jughandling" which isn't as fun as it sounds.

8 comments:

Bilbo said...

So, let me guess...Danny Glower is your favorite actor, right? *wink*

Gilahi said...

In 2002, there was a Jennifer Lopez vehicle called "Enough". In the commercials for it A) woman is in abusive relationship, B) woman studies martial arts or kickboxing or something. Between the title and the scenes in the commercials, I realized that there was absolutely no reason for me to see that movie because I knew exactly how it ended.

And by the way, NJ has got to be the stupidest place on the planet to try to drive anywhere. Not only are there jughandles, often miles apart from each other, but when you go through the jughandle, they usually don't give you a turn arrow. You just have to "know" that you've got a delayed green and the folks on the other side of the intersection still have a red light.

Shannon said...

Rosebud is a SLED?!?!?!? Thanks for that.

Yeah, I hate when people give away the end of a movie - it's all over the Internet, too. Reviews that give away the whole plot, blog posts that tell you the end. I have no idea why it is so hard to have a little note, "Contains spoilers."

Narm said...

Have you seen Titantic? The boat sinks in the end.

Tina said...

I hate it when people ask you questions through the whole movie- did you see that? Why are they DOING that? Who is that? Where did that come from? So do you think they are going to?

Just watch the freaken movie!!!!!

LivitLuvit said...

Someone spoiled the end of The Dark Knight for me last week. I WON'T do the same to you, but it's particularly effed up when the movie in question is a huge, just-released blockbuster breaking every record in the book, isn't it?

Jackassery, I tell you.

rs27 said...

Remember that movie where Bruce Willis is dead the whole time?

*spoiler

The New Jersey jughandel is an artform in anger. Also I 'm surprised you didn't have to pay more in the bars. They no like me.

lacochran's evil twin said...

Bilbo: *Groan*

Gilahi: Wait, wouldn't the other folks have the delayed green? Or red? Or, wait...

Shannon: Sing it, Sister!

Narm: *Danny Glower*

Tina: Um, yeah, we could talk about that, too.

Livitluvit: Wait (possible spoiler)... is Bruce Wayne actually Batman?

rs: I wondered why they kept throwing things. I thought you were part of the holy trinity (Bruce Springsteen, Jon Bonjovi, Rs27)...no?