20 August 2008

Not so good with the numbers

I have had a lot of math education. A lot. Ridiculous amounts. Seriously, enough to be a math major. And here's the thing: I suck at math. No, sucking at math would be a huge improvement. I aspire to suck at math. Algebra, Calculus, all of it was torturous and I hated all of it with a white hot, seething, growling Cujo intensity.*

I'm not even good with basic arithmetic. To this day, I calculate tips with a calculator and, sometimes, I still get it wrong. It would be so easy to grift me.

Me: Just tell me what I owe.

You, looking at bill: Let's see, we each had a beer and I had the nachos. You owe $6,000.

Me: Okay.

I have no number skills and no number memory.

You: Remember this number: 4,312.

Me: What? What number?

You: 4,312.

Me: Do I have to?

You: Yes. It's 4,312.

Me: Four what?

You: 4,312!

Me: *blink*

You: *glare*

Me, sweating: It had an eight, right?

You: *walking away, disgusted* **

The only math class I liked was Geometry. Where I suck with the numbers, I'm all over the shapes. I'm a first class fitter-inner. Spatial puzzles? No probs. Predict the missing part? I can do that.

I can tell if the car will fit into the parking space. I know if the TV will fit into the car trunk and how to orient it. I can tell if the hall carpet is big enough to roll the dead, bloated body in. I can pick the perfect size pan or container to put leftovers in. The perfect size. I am the Rainman of spatial relations. Like most of my other skills, I don't know how I can use this to get money, but I'm very proud of it, all the same.

* You would think this immense suckitude would make me more sympathetic to other people's limitations. Not even a little bit.

** That's cold, Man. Cold.


Lemmonex said...

I am also staggeringly bad at math; it is shameful. I put it in the same catagory as driving--I don't even try anymore. I let other people do it.

I am plenty good at a lot of other things.

Narm said...

I'm that way with directions. No matter how many times you have told me, written them down and simultaneously talked me through it on the phone - I'm still going to take a left where I should have taken a right.

Bilbo said...

No wonder I like you...numbers and I never got along, which is why I ended up in Linguistics. German grammar is so much easier than calculus. But oddly enough, I also was very good at geometry, both plane and solid, AND trigonometry. I guess I was born under the right sine...

lacochran's evil twin said...

Lemmonex: No shame because you are indeed gifted in many ways.

Narm: If you don't show up for happy hour, I'll know why.

Bilbo: I'm in acute pain from that. Acute. Like an angle. Get it?? HAWHAWHAW.

Bilbo said...

Awww, lacochran, I'll bet all your angles are cute. I mean acute. I mean...oh, never mind.

SingLikeSassy said...

You know I was a terrible math STUDENT, but I am a whiz calculating my money. Greed is a helluva thing?

lacochran said...

Singlikesassy: I guess it can be a powerful motivator. :)