16 June 2008

The Siren Song of Lunch

(Not my actual lunch box but super cool, right?)

Most work days, I pack my lunch in my cool-o insulated lunch bag thing. It's much cheaper to pack lunch than buy it and it's much easier on the waistline than waiting until you're famished and eating the first thing you see in the not so fab but extra-greasy cafeteria.

And the cafeteria is always the same experience, confusingly written in the third person:

Lacochran goes to the cafeteria, looks around. Spots the cold, greasy, congealed, spongy pizza slices that have NEVER, EVER tasted good. Thinks: That looks great! Avoids making eye contact with the cashier who is shaking her head like the person in the thriller who's desperately trying to signal the other person in the thriller that they're talking to the murderer.

Our heroine buys the pizza slice.
Dives into it immediately. Can't understand why it doesn't taste as good as it looks in her hunger-addled hallucinations. Gets queasy halfway through and EATS IT ANYWAY. Thinks: Hm, still hungry. Wonder what the cafeteria has for me?

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd, scene.

I swear, our cafeteria is the only place that can make pizza taste bad.

So I pack my lunch most days. On the one hand, there aren't a lot of surprises. On the other, since I packed it, my lunch is filled with totally awesome stuff!

So, usually, I start eating my lunch on the way in to work (~8:30) because who can resist that awesomeness? And, besides, if I'm chewing on something, I'm not shouting obscenities at the car in front of me. ('Cause it's rude to talk with your mouth full.) Hey, I do my part for world peace. Stick to vehement gesticulation, that's my motto.

Yeah, lunch rarely makes it to official "lunch time" because it's right there! So, come 12, 1, 2-ish, while others on the hall are smelling up the hall with their fancy brought-in lunches, I'm looking forlornly at my empty cool-o bag of former awesomeness. Oh, sure, I ate all that awesomeness but now it's just a distant memory.

Once, I had an office mate who was different than me. Very different. If there were free donuts that someone had offered up, we'd both get a chocolate topped donut (the BEST EVER!!) and bring them back to our desks. I'd then inhale mine. She'd park hers on a napkin for, like, hours. What was THAT??


Kristin said...

I bring a lot of small things so I can eat all day. And then I have to go to the kitchen for Twizzlers.

lacochran said...

Oooo, Twizzlers! I'm all about the chewy!!

rs27 said...

They should call it Bagged Brunch.

Awesomness, where for art thou?

lacochran said...

But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the seedless grapes, and the Kashi cookie is the sun!

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

LOL! Shakespeare is probably weeping right now. Hey, I wonder what he use to eat for lunch?

I miss my lunch box. It's one of the drawbacks of working from home. Maybe I should start packing myself a lunch in the morning. I could also get in the car and drive around the block and pretend I'm commuting. Or not.

Donuts: Mmmmmm.

Krispy Kreme: Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Gilahi said...

Kinda makes you wonder how the phrase "out to lunch" ever became a negative thing. Seems to me that "in the office" is much worse.

"That guy's crazy!"

"Yeah, he's really in the office."

Gilahi said...

By the way, Google generated a TERRIFIC ad for this blog. The link line was "Gas and Bloating". If you click on it, it takes you to a colonic irrigation site with the headline "ARE YOU CLEAN INSIDE?" Or maybe it was some fundamentalist Christian thing. Hard to say.

You should post more greasy pizza stuff.

Bilbo said...

I usually pack my lunch with yummy leftovers from the previous night's dinner, as well as a cup of yogurt and one of granola for the morning snack. You're right about it being too expensive to buy something every day...and your description of the soggy pizza was right out of the daily offerings at Sbarro's in the Pentagon!

Reya Mellicker said...

Pizza and doughnuts are both disgusting, especially if they've been sitting in a cafeteria display thingie for awhile.

LOVE your description, though, of grabbing the first thing you see and the resulting queasiness.

You should have a spongebob lunchbox. You should!

charlotteharris said...

Oh I do the same thing when I bring my lunch... but lunchtime would get a little earlier as time went on. But when I found myself reheating my chili-mac at 10:45 am and eating my tofu teriyaki for breakfast, I knew I had to get rein myself back in.

lacochran said...

J.M.: You could also ask yourself "Is it hot enough for you?" to simulate delightful office banter.

Gilahi: There's an expression that's used here: "He's on the beach" meaning his head is somewhere else. That, I can relate to. And, um, glad you found an ad on my web-site useful. I hope you feel much better soon.

Bilbo: Sorry you could relate? :)

Reya: I should! But then how could I focus on anything else? You see my dilemma.

CH: Tofu teriyaki sounds like a fantastic breakfast!

j.m. tewkesbury said...

What I really miss is a supply cupboard full of pens and Post-it notes. I think I need to convert a shelf in my linen closet to office supplies so I can have 50 green ink pens and 30 kinds of Post-it notes in a rainbow of colors...

Oh, and inter-office envelopes. I could use a few of those. Maybe I can train the cat to be the mailroom clerk and shuffle stupid memos between here and the basement.

And tape. Lots of tape. I need loads of tape. To sniff.

lacochran said...

Tape sniffing? This one is new to me. Still, I don't judge.