04 June 2008

No Means No, People

It is 7-ish last night and the phone rings. Hubby and I stare at each other. We play the "It's probably for you" game and stare some more.

I lose. (He's a first rate starer.)

I get up and answer the phone.

Me: Hello?

Pathetic Telemarketing Dweeb (PTD): Um, is this [stumbles over my name.]

Me: Who is this?

PTD: Hi! My name is Daniel and I'm calling from the GW Alumni Association--

Me: I'm going to stop you right there. I don't enjoy getting pitched over the phone. If you want to mail me something I'll consider it.

PTD: *long pause* Okay. Can I just confirm your address?

Me: Yes.

PTD: [street address]?

Me: Yes.

PTD: [city and state]?

Me: Yes.

PTD: So, what have you been doing since you graduated from G--


Yeah, that's what I want to do. Spend my dinner hour "catching up" with some 21 year old stranger that is trying to pay off his "work study" hours by pestering people over the telephone to give to the alumni association of one of the most expensive/wealthiest colleges in the country.*


And before you get all "poor guy's just trying to do a job" on me, let me clue you in. I did him a favor. I've done telemarketing.** No matter what your supervisor says about staying on script, you learn two rules very quickly:

1) Figure out who you have zero chance with and end the call as quickly as possible so you can move on to someone who might give you a chance and allow you to earn your commission.

2) Don't ignore the mark. You never, ever, ever close by ignoring the mark.

* You'd think I'd be grateful for the fact that I got that spiffin' degree compliments of my employer. Well, I am. To my employer.

** Name a sucky job, chances are I've done it. Hey, a buck's a buck.


rs27 said...

Are you the host of Dirty jobs?

I would in fact like a dirty job.

lacochran said...

rs27: I'll just bet you would, rs. I'll bet you would.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Telemarketers. Ugh. And yet, everyone has to make a living, right?

Hey, I love Dirty Jobs!

lacochran said...

They used to tell us "Not everyone will be happy you called but some will be!" This, strangely, was true.