20 June 2008

Oh, No, There Goes Tokyo

This is a portion of a verbatim e-mail I received at work today. I kid you not.

[organization name] is sponsoring a "Poem & Picture" Bridal Shower for Ms. [bride name]. Attending participants are asked to write/submit a poem to the bride and the bride will have to identify which guest submitted the poem. Upon completion, a picture will be taken of the bride and guest who submitted the poem.

As if bridal showers aren't lame enough we have this new level of gooey narcissism.

Pressuring people who only associate with the bride-to-be because they have to work with her into buying this wretched woman a gift and celebrating her special day--even though she won't be inviting 95% of them to her 300 person wedding--isn't enough.

I know this particular bride enough to know that she is one of the shallowest people I will ever meet. Somehow it does not surprise me that she wants people to write poems about her. Perhaps she'd like her coworkers to create a path of rose petals for her to walk on, too?

Roses are red

Showers are sappy

Your overwhelming self-involvement

Is really crappy

I'm sort of stuck after that. Anybody want to add the second verse?

Air kisses!


Capitol Hill 20210 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Messed up my first comment, so they are giving her an office shower and she isn't inviting most of you to the wedding, thats a little rude.

Your poem is in the right direction, sorry I can't think of anything I am bad at those.

Does she want gifts as well?

lacochran said...

CH 20210: She wants it all and then some.

Capitol Hill 20210 said...

Wow thats very nervy if you ask me, I wouldn't give her crap or waste time writing a poem for that matter.

Or wrap a 40 ounce of colt 45 and give it to her in a brown paper bag, but thats just me lol

and I took that post down, I realized what a double standard I was making and it came off the wrong way, I just put it all in an email to my best friend lol

rs27 said...

I got a good one..

there once was a woman from nantucket
who like to throw up in buckets
I hate your face
And this place
so why don't you go and suck it.

lacochran said...

C H 20210: I'm not going to go to the shower.

rs27: That's the spirit!

Jeez but I need a vacation. I'm really getting crabby lately.

Kate said...

Hehe. It never ceases to amaze me what people will do to get presents. But let me tell you, the person that came up with the theme for the shower? She thinks she's brilliant. No joke.

lacochran said...

Kate: So true.

Dixie said...

This sounds like an open invitation for people to write really mean things about her and then not reveal their identity. Ever. Anonymity can be a bitch.

Ooh, then afterwards she can come to your office and confide in you about how bad she feels and ask about your performance appraisal.

lacochran said...

Yeah but when they're all nasty it kind of gives it away...

Gilahi said...

Your site actually generated an ad for "Bridal Shower Poem Gift". Really. It suggests that the groom give the bride "a book of romantic poetry, or perhaps a poem you wrote yourself!" Because all women love poetry, right?

lacochran said...

Sure! If it's tucked inside a Ferrari.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

I'm sure I'm old-fashioned--and I'm not that old--but wasn't there a time when the only wedding shower (or showers) were given by the mother of the bride and/or the maid/matron of honor?

This business of four and five wedding/baby showers is WAY out of hand, IMHO. And the stuff people ask for these days! Oh.my.God. Some people really have a set of cajones.

And office-based wedding showers are the worst. Not to mention, inappropriate. Talk about put your colleagues in an awkward, obligatory position. As for the poetry thing: Blech! How old are the bride-to-be and her party planners anyway? 13? 14? I'll bet they all giggle and talk in little girl voices, too, huh?

lacochran said...

The bride does talk in a little girl voice!! And dresses in sexy clothing. And wonders why she's often not taken seriously. I wish I were kidding.

GreenCanary said...

I'd buy her some really cute dishtowels... that I rubbed poison ivy all over. Bwahahaha!!!

lacochran's evil twin said...

Oooo! The evil twin in me likes that!

Anonymous said...

If that shower is not a surprise to the bride-to-be then she ought to be a lil bit embarrassed. That's awkward in the workplace where often people are just friendly in the spirit of being professional, not because they're actually "friends." Does she confuse the two?

lacochran said...

Charlotteharris: Could be. Since I wasn't planning to attend I didn't check if I needed to keep the secret. Could be.