27 June 2008

Operators are Standing By*


The mechanic called to give me an estimate on what it's going to take to get my car healthy again so I can earn one of those fancy
pass stickers for the safety inspection. His first words: "You may want to sit down for this."** Hence...

For sale: 1 kidney.

Description: Swimming pool shaped.

Condition: In better shape than my liver. Also, never cut out of me while I was unconscious in a tub of ice.

Price: Highest bidder gets this sweet organ.

Special deal: Tell the operator that you are interested in joining our club and you'll receive a second (mystery!) body part!*** That's right, you'll automatically receive a second body part*** valued at 29.95! Don't delay!


* Why don't they let the operators sit?

** Good thing I'm not an operator.

*** Or some crappy thing I have tucked in the closet and was going to give to charity anyway.

All rights reserved. Returned body parts are subject to handling charges. 30-day money back guarantee subject to state regulations and does not cover kidneys or mystery body parts or crappy things from the closet. Kidney installation not included. Not responsible for any damage to contents during shipping.
Void in Pensacola, FL. We reserve the right to substitute an organ of equal or greater value that may, or may not, be a genuine lacochran kidney. Any resemblance of kidney/organ to a gefilte fish ball, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Actual kidney/organ/gefilte fish ball may be smaller or larger or less shiny or more fishy than pictured. Not affiliated with Kidneyrama [TM], Kidneys!Kidneys!Kidneys! [TM], or Kidneys 'R' Us [TM] or their subsidiaries. Offer valid while supplies last.

11 comments:

GreenCanary said...

The first thing I thought of when I saw that picture? Flight of the Navigator. "COMPLIANCE!"

I can't buy your kidney, but would you be willing to trade it for an ovary? Or maybe my gall bladder?

Kristin said...

Yowza. And I need to get my car fixed...

rs27 said...

I'll take two kidneys please.

Oh.

Well what am I going to do with just one?

lacochran said...

Greencanary: We could start a swap meet.

Kristin: Best o' luck. There's always Craig's List.

Rs27: Fry it up with some fava beans?

Bilbo said...

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm holding out for a hypothalamus. Kidneys just don't do anything for me.

lacochran said...

Bilbo: As Jack Nicholson would say: you can't handle my hypothalamus!

DCMovieGirl said...

Flight of the Navi--!

Oh, someone beat me to it.

How about giant vibrator?

lacochran said...

DCmoviegirl & Greencanary: I never saw this flick but if it has giant vibrators it sounds worth renting.

GreenCanary said...

Sorry to disappoint lacochran, no giant vibrators. PeeWee Herman played the voice of Max, the alien machine. If that doesn't make you want to go right out and rent this classic, I don't know what will.

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Wow! That expensive, eh? Well, for that amount of money, I'd want my kidney/organ/gefilte fish ball bronzed and mounted on a plaque suitable for displaying.

lacochran said...

Greencanary: Well, I always liked the Playhouse. Mekalekahi...

JM: Sorry, I think you're confusing us with the BigMouth Billy Bass {as seen on TV).