The mechanic called to give me an estimate on what it's going to take to get my car healthy again so I can earn one of those fancy pass stickers for the safety inspection. His first words: "You may want to sit down for this."** Hence...
For sale: 1 kidney.
Description: Swimming pool shaped.
Condition: In better shape than my liver. Also, never cut out of me while I was unconscious in a tub of ice.
Price: Highest bidder gets this sweet organ.
Special deal: Tell the operator that you are interested in joining our club and you'll receive a second (mystery!) body part!*** That's right, you'll automatically receive a second body part*** valued at 29.95! Don't delay!
* Why don't they let the operators sit?
** Good thing I'm not an operator.
*** Or some crappy thing I have tucked in the closet and was going to give to charity anyway.
All rights reserved. Returned body parts are subject to handling charges. 30-day money back guarantee subject to state regulations and does not cover kidneys or mystery body parts or crappy things from the closet. Kidney installation not included. Not responsible for any damage to contents during shipping. Void in Pensacola, FL. We reserve the right to substitute an organ of equal or greater value that may, or may not, be a genuine lacochran kidney. Any resemblance of kidney/organ to a gefilte fish ball, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Actual kidney/organ/gefilte fish ball may be smaller or larger or less shiny or more fishy than pictured. Not affiliated with Kidneyrama [TM], Kidneys!Kidneys!Kidneys! [TM], or Kidneys 'R' Us [TM] or their subsidiaries. Offer valid while supplies last.