My life, and welcome to it. I could make stuff up but what's the fun of that when I have real life moments like this...
I walk with my boss and a colleague to another building for a meeting.
Boss: What's wrong with your eye?
Boss: Look at her eye!!
Me: What?? What's wrong with my eye?
Boss: Look at that! *pointing* See the red there?
Me: What?!?! What is it??!
Boss: Do you have pink eye? Is that conjunctivitis?
Me: What is he talking about??
Colleague: I guess it is a little cloudy in the corner there...
We continue walking while I mentally prepare my will.*
We arrive at the building and I immediately go into the ladies room to see this horrible oozing, infected abscess** of an eye in the mirror and I see... nothing. It looks like a normal eye. Much like the other normal eye.
I come out of the ladies room.
Me: I looked in the mirror and I don't see what you're talking about.
Colleague: It must have cleared.
Boss: I guess it's nothing.
I spend the entire meeting wondering if I've got a tumor or I'm about to have a stroke or what. I suddenly think I'm feeling pressure on the eye. I wonder if it's clouding over again. I look around for confirmation but everyone is talking work and no one seems to notice my rotting eye.
This is a big deal for me. I am phobic about my eyes. I don't know why. I just hate the idea of something happening to them or even something touching them. I can not watch eye surgery, even laser eye surgery, on TV--and it's always on TV. Oh, yes, it is. When you have 500 channels at least one of them is showing eye surgery.*** It creeps me out too much. Anything eye-related creeps me out.****
Both my parents had cataract surgeries. So chances are my eyes will deteriorate similarly. Here's how I see it going down:
Future Doctor (FD): We could get rid of the cataracts with a quick surgery.
(80 year old) Me: No!
FD: But it's very simple... we just cut a flap in the eye and--
Me: LALALALALALALALA I can't hear you!!!
FD: This is ridiculous. We just give a little tug on the--
Me: LALALALALA, *grasping wildly* Who took my cane?!
My prediction: I will be even crankier as an old, blind woman. That is, if I make it through today.
*leans in* Does this look infected to you?
* It's so hard to decide who gets my Backstreet Boys CD.
** That one's for you, Bilbo. No thanks necessary.
*** Don't argue with me. When was the last time you checked to see what they were showing on C-Span at 3 a.m.? That's right, eye surgery on Arlen Specter.
**** I originally had this picture on this post but it creeped me out too much and I had to replace it. Now you know my weakness. I must kill you.