29 April 2009

"If you ain't dirrty, you ain't here to party" --Christina Aguilera

[Story of my life. Maybe I should pick a less flattering profile picture.]


I'd like to start this post by apologizing to Fearless in case she's reading this.*

Here's the thing: No matter how great Toronto looks from a distance, I don't see myself going there. Why? Because the first thing anybody ever says about Toronto is "It's so clean!" Admit it, you've heard this:

How was Toronto?


I couldn't believe it was so clean!


Um, this is what you can't believe? You want to be aghast about something? Fine. Home Improvement got a 2009 TV Land award. There. Now, that's unbelievable.

But cleanliness? Is this really what you want in a city? Isn't that why you go to the country? To get some clean air in your lungs?

Do you really want "clean" as your key selling point?

Let me put it this way:

Friend: I want to set you up on a date with a great person I know.

You: Yeah? What are they like?

Friend: Oh, clean! Really clean.

You: Er, no.

Sure, you want them to be clean--hell, you want them to be disease free!--but you don't want to hear "clean." You want to hear "fun" or "easy on the eyes" or "really interesting" or even "wild" but if "clean" is the number one adjective, well, that's sad.

People say a lot about DC, some of it even positive, but discussion of hygiene level? Not really gonna happen. Sure, you might discuss the size of the rat you saw on the way to dinner or the aroma of the homeless guy that spit on you outside the museum but you're not likely going to say that as the first item of discussion. You'll be busy talking about the great meal or the fantastic exhibit you just experienced.

Clean, Toronto?

Really?

Really?



** Okay, does saying you want to apologize actually equate to apologizing? I've never been clear on this. When you hear "I'd like to apologize" do you say "Well, go right ahead..." or "Oh, that was sweet of you"? Discuss.

26 comments:

Malnurtured Snay said...

A single Baltimore rat could single-handedly take on and kill all of DC's rats. Unless you're using rat as a metaphor for politician, in which case DC wins.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Don't you think the bigger issue is that apologizing before you say the thing you need to apologize for shows a premeditated intent to offend?

I'm sorry if you were offended by that question.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Oh, and on Toronto: What I think of when I hear Toronto is dragon buns.

Fearless in Toronto said...

Yeah, you should probably go to Montreal instead. Get a smoked meat sandwich and some "European colour" i.e. be insulted in French for being an American.

By the way, my neighbourhood...I'm noticing it's not so clean. Maybe that will change your mind?

Fearless in Toronto said...

I can't believe someone else knows my real name: Dragon Buns.

It was a tough childhood.

Lemmonex said...

I have dated some very unclean men, so honestly...this is a selling point.

Gilahi said...

If cleanliness is next to godliness, is Toronto next to Heaven? But isn't that West Virginia since it's "almost heaven"? Is Toronto really West Virginia? Since West Virginia is next to Virginia, does that mean I live in Heaven? Have I gotten so far outside the box here that I can't even see the box any more?

Bob said...

"I'd like to apologize..." always sounds like it needs a but....I'd like to apologize but I just can't.

I also don't like "Can I ask you a question?" as I always respond, "You just did."

Ibid said...

A time or two I've responded to "I'd like to apologize" with "We've just come to expect that kind of behavior from you."

Matt said...

Clean would work for me!

Reya Mellicker said...

Oh man ... and here I am about to launch into internet dating. Now I'm scared.

But I am clean.....

One of my favorite lines from "A Hard Day's Night" is about how Paul's grandfather is very clean. Do you know the movie? I love it!

LiLu said...

"I'd like to apologize" is kinda like "I'm sorry you feel that way."

I.e., the facts is what they is.

Nevertheless, I hear they have a fantastic Pride Parade in the summer...

Liebchen said...

I had a comment in my head, but got all turned around after reading Gilahi's.

What are we talking about again? Heaven?

justjp said...

This is a great point. But if I hear the girl is dirty or slutty, it only peaks my curiosity. Clean, not so much, sounds like a church revival. And no one is getting laid in church.

repliderium.com said...

I lived in Toronto for two years. I don't remember it being particularly clean... I do remember driving by the Mr. Christie's factory though. How can you not love a city whose air smells like fresh baked chocolate chip dough?

f.B said...

Clean talk. Yeah. I like clean talk in bed.

Does that have nothing to do with this post? If so, I am sorry.

AbbotOfUnreason said...

@justjp: that's what you think.

I mean, uh, never mind.

rs27 said...

I love everything about Toronto. You will never change me!

Barbara said...

CLEAN is an adjective I would save for Geneva or some manicured little town in Bavaria. Definitely not the first that comes to mind for DC. But then DIRTY doesn't come to mind either... I suppose that's good.

lacochran said...

Malnurtured Snay: Different rats but equally repugnant.

AbbotofUnreason: Kind of like "I don't mean to be an asshole but..." :)

AoU Redux: Never heard of them but I'm intrigued.

Fearless in Toronto: Still talking hygiene. Clean, not clean. Who cares? What's the real draw?

FiT Redux: Ha! Good one.

Lemmonex: May I present Matt...

Gilahi: *insert Home Improvement Tim's huuuuuuuuUUUUUU sound here*

Bob: Yeah, like "I know you believe you're right but..." :)

Ibid: :) I like it.

Matt: May I present Lemmonex...

Reya Mellicker: I don't but it sounds good.

LiLu: See, now that's something they could lead with instead of that clean stuff.

Liebchen: ...West Virginia... Blue Ridge Mountains... Shenandoah River...

justjp: It would get more people to services...

repliderium.com: Oooo, chocolate chip cookies!

f.B: You mean like when someone whispers "Soft Scrub" in your ear?

AoU Threedux: Now, you gotta post what you know. It IS TMI Thursday...

Rs27: I have already changed you. *laughs maniacally*

Barbara: It meets *my* needs. At least for the nonce.

fiona said...

I commented and it's gone!!!
Come "clean" LA did ya delete me?

Shannon said...

Why do I keep thinking of the grandfather in A Hard Day's Night? After all, he's "veddy clean."

lacochran said...

Fiona: Never! I enjoy your comments. Dang flu musta got it.

Shannon: One of these days I'll see that flick. Probably.

Kate said...

Hee. I love that T-shirt.

WordNerd said...

Growing up in Michigan, Canada--or at least Ontario cities--was always described as clean. Windsor? Toronto? Niagara Falls? Clean, clean, clean.

To this day, that's all I think about when you mention these cities. And I lived in a definitely not clean part of Toronto for a year.

Alex said...

I don't know anything about Toronto, but you should go to Montreal. It's a really cool city, and so easy to get to from DC!