20 April 2009

"Don't stand so close to me" --The Police



[Side note: Pssstttt... Don't mind if I haven't commented on your blog lately. I was traveling Friday through Sunday and now I'm in an all-day class Monday through Wednesday. So, it isn't that I don't care. *looks sincere* Because I do! I totally do! *looks both ways, lowers voice* Just between you and me, you're still my favorite.]


Anywhosits, our topic du jour comes from this weekend and I'd like your opinion.

Saturday night, we are a group of five (three women, two men) clustered by the bar. I know, me in a bar, quelle surprise! It is a moderately busy place but not packed by any means. There is plenty of space for us to move around.*

I know two of the folks (my husband and my friend) and am introduced to two more: a man and a woman. Let's call them Edgar and Lucille. I have been told by my friend, in advance of meeting them, that Edgar is interested in Lucille but she would rather just be friends.

At some point in the evening, Edgar's hand comes in contact with the side of my breast. It isn't a lunge, it isn't a grope, it's a brush. I don't know if it is accidental or intentional. Edgar doesn't make eye contact. Just carries on as if nothing has occurred.

Is it a huge thing? No. Is it inappropriate? Yes.

Now, I don't know what to think. If it's intentional, it's pretty creepy. If it's just an accident, we let it go. Either way, I move away from him. Decidedly out of arm's reach.

Additional data:

  • I witness Edgar's hand pat Lucille's butt at some point in the evening.
  • After we separate from Edgar and Lucille, I tell my friend that Edgar brushed me and she says that Edgar touched her chest, too. Edgar is short and was telling a story about where he came up to, height-wise, on a woman in bed and touched my friend, ostensibly, to indicate where. Not so much breastularly (shut up, that's a word) as chestularly (mid-way between shoulder and breast), but Edgar did, in fact, touch her.
Of course, we have no way to know for sure but, I thought you, with your vast experience of all things male/female might divine... Going on nothing else, do you think the brush was an accident or an act of deliberate skeeviness? Is he just a touchy kind of person? Or is this some sort of cheap thrill? And, finally, what is the appropriate response?



*Ominous foreshadowing.

20 comments:

Narm said...

Oh I'm sure it was unintentional.

Remind you to explain to you how tall I am next time I see you.

fiona said...

Introduce him to me and I'll do a scientific study of "Wee Ed "
It may take some time! LOL

Mike said...

We need to check Edgar's blog and see what he's talking about today.

Anonymous said...

Saw him today...and he is very touchy but appropiate using his hand to tap me on the forearm and shoulder. He again expressed concern.........

Barbara said...

I would bet it was not accidental, especially since something similar happened to your friend. The appropriate response is to let someone else sit next to Edgar if indeed you find yourself in his company again. Sounds somewhat creepy to me.

LBluca77 said...

I think I know Edgar. He's a treat to be around let me tell ya.

liferehab said...

Oh, it was definitely on purpose, but don't be offended. Be proud. He touched your boob even though there was a distinct possibility he would be called out on the internet.

Lemmonex said...

Maybe I am totally naive, but I always assume these things are accidental unless there is an obvious grope in there...

Titania said...

If it happened to your friend too, I think the guy is a creep. What does your gut tell you? is he one of those guys that makes you feel "eeeck, get away from me" just by saying "Hi" to you? (you know what I mean, one of those guys that make you feel violated, just by saying Hi? can't really describe it...) I have no idea what would be the appropriate thing to do, other than staying as far as possible from him... (punching him does not count as appropriate, right?)

ErinSlick said...

I also tend to think they're accidental. I'd say let it go, but if it happens again, then you probably need to say something. Sigh.. oh the politics of stealth groping in a bar. ; )

Alex said...

I actually think a drunken grope is *less* creepy (because it's more honest) than "accidentally" leaving your hand on someone's boob.

Bilbo said...

I think it was intentional, and was his way of seeing what he could get away with. I think just moving away was the right thing for now, but if such unwelcome touches continue, you could innocently (and accidentally) step on his foot or something. I tend to be a "touchy" person, but am very attuned to the limits of propriety and would never touch a relative stranger inappropriately. No, really.

emma said...

Whether or not it was accidental, he knew he'd done it. Not saying anything - an apology or a joke, something - makes it insidious and therefore skeevy.

This move is a particular pet peeve of mine. Dude, you know how to control your hands. They've been there your whole life. Respect personal space.

You did the best thing by just moving away. If he does it again, say something and set your boundary, because, bottom line, it obviously made you uncomfortable and that's really all that matters.

LiLu said...

That reeks 100% of the Skeeve.

I'd probably give him a taste of his own medicine, but he'd enjoy it too much. Grody.

repliderium.com said...

Deliberate.
Appropriate response...
Look him square in the eye and (loudly) state "You're gonna have to pay for that."

Kate said...

About 90 percent of me believes it was intentional. My experience tells me that men will touch a boob wherever they can. And really passive, spineless men will do it while trying to make it look like an accident. If it happens again, I would totally call him out on it.

Kate said...

Men are disgusting. Period.

Mike said...

Was it an accident like this?

http://entertainment.todaysbigthing.com/2009/04/16

lacochran said...

Everybody: Thanks for weighing in.

Judith HeartSong said...

Edgar requires immediate voicebox removal.