27 April 2009

"I will follow you... Follow you wherever you may go" --Ricky Nelson

Yeah, most of you are on Twitter. Not me.* I'm amazed that people even follow me on Blogger. But, according to Blogger, I do have "followers."

These aren't run of the mill people that read my blog, these are people that have signed on for special "follower" status.

If you have recently become a follower of mine, no worries! You'll get your follower club kit in the mail in four to six weeks. Bonus: LA's secret decoder ring with genuine diamonelle chip is available for an amazingly affordable three easy payments of $19.95. Isn't it time you got the subtext you were missing? Order today!**

So, I got to thinking, hey, I have followers! Some of you are probably reading this right now. And that's an honor. In a creepy, stalkery way, but still an honor.***

having followers is a big responsibility. If you're a follower, you follow.**** By definition. If my blog gets in with a bad crowd, will your blog get in with a bad crowd, too?*****

I worry. And I feel like I should be a positive influence in your life. You know, use this spot to be inspiring.

So, um, crack is whack.

There. That was uplifting, right? Carry on.

* I heard that. I am not lame. I am old school ...in a really lame way.

** Limited time offer. Offer not combinable with LA's Thigh Magic, LA's Chop 'N' Peel, LA's Foreclose and Get Rich, or LA's Wow! That's a Good Turnip!

***Your night vision goggles leave those circle impressions around your eyes. But, you know, on you it totally works. Really. Please don't kill me.

**** You follow?

***** I hate to be the one to tell you but I saw your blog faceplant outside the 7-11 Saturday night. Not pretty.


Matt said...

So how do I follow you?

I want my kit in the mail too damnit!!!

fiona said...

I follow!
I don't know if I'm official though?
Can I still get the goodies? Oh, and sign me up for a "ring" size 7.
Thank you!

Fearless in Toronto said...

If I follow within the next 10 minutes, do I get a SECOND decoder ring at no extra charge?

f.B said...

LA's Thigh MagicWill this work for me, too? Is there any footage of Chuck Norris or Billie Mays or people I don't want to look like using it?

Also, WV = squati

PQ said...

Um...I still haven't gotten my ring in the mail!

Shannon said...

I wasn't face-planting Saturday! I was too busy leaving random articles of clothing at LiLu's house like some kind of amnesiac stripper.

Liebchen said...

You can see the marks from the goggles? Crap.

repliderium.com said...

Were you the one outside of my window last night?

LiLu said...

"I hate to be the one to tell you but I saw your blog faceplant outside the 7-11 Saturday night. Not pretty."

It was worth it for the burrito.

rs27 said...

If you like then you should have put a ring on it.

I quoted Beyonce.

I'll go now.

GreenCanary said...

I hate to tell you this, doll, but your blog is ALREADY in with a bad crowd.

Little Ms Blogger said...

As a new follower, I have one question...besides the money back guarantee, do I get a free sham or knife (like the info commercial giveaways) - that would be sooooo cool.

Mike said...

I checking here 2-3 times a day following or stalking? Maybe we could call it fualking. Me to wife, "Hold on dear, I'm fualking LA".

Wv: ensit - You don't want to stand up? ensit!

Barbara said...

It would be so interesting to see everyone who came to "visit" during the course of a day, even the anon fualkers!

Herb of DC said...

Twitter is whack.

lacochran said...

Matt: Really, the question is "How could you NOT follow me?"

Fiona: It's on its way.

Fearless in Toronto: And express shipping!

f.B: There is but it only airs at 3 a.m. on the History Channel.

P.Q.: Please send all complaints to our customer service department: yourbeardisgood@gmail.com.

Shannon: Like India Aire is not her hair, you are not your blog. And just for the record, while I was at the party, you didn't face plant.

Liebchen: :) Yeah, you look sort of racoony.

Repliderium.com: That depends... would you like me to be the one that was outside your window last night?

LiLu: It always is.

Rs27: OH, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... (I quoted Beyonce, too! Your turn.)

GreenCanary: I know. I went through its pockets last night.

Little Ms Blogger: And up to 20% off your next order!

Mike: "I checking here 2-3 times a day following or stalking?" Glad to see those ESL classes are finally paying off. And, though it's nice to have all the hits, you really should try Google Reader. Trust.

Barbara: Try the basic level of Sitemeter. It's amazing what you can learn.

Herb of DC: So Twitter is crack? Or doesn't transitive apply? God, I can't believe I remember that.

G said...

Well, after reading this post and seeing all of your follower responses I felt like I should call my therapist to slip in another appointment this week. I mean no one...that is NO ONE follows me. And I try sooooo hard everyday to post some meaningful stuff (if I had followers I'd come up with better words) to lift the spirits of lonely travelers who may stumble upon my blog or shine a light of insight upon the insanity of life itself. Truth is, my heart breaks by the absence of a follower.
I have even entertained the thought of posting my URL at the grocery store or local pharmacy or maybe my health club. I'd say, "Come visit me! You won't be disappointed! I give good blog!"
But then what would I do if suddenly I had a bunch (just can't think here)of interested followers who expected a slice of goody from me every check in? I mean that could be awful. I could not cope with it. My blog would eventually downgrade to a Twitter Blog on which I would hurl words like balls of mud at a bad neighbor's house. Wow...that was good.