In between the long-term relationships in my life, I've, um, kissed a few frogs. I've already mentioned Baby Oil Guy, so why not elaborate on a few more... you know, the ones I haven't blocked out altogether. I go out with some of these guys. Others, um, no. Just, No.
Assorted Reasons I Have Rejected Guys (in loosely chronological order, with one bullet per fella)
- He thinks armpit farts are the height of hilarity.
- He doesn't know how to play pinball.
- He brings a boombox on our double date, so he can express himself by playing one Foreigner song, over and over.
- He is wrong. Insistently so.
- He looks like Howdy Doody. With acne.
- He waits too long.
- He abandons me.
- He kisses like a two-year-old.
- He wears a light brown, corduroy, three-piece suit to a black tie affair.
- His dog bites him. Often.
* But, then, in my mind, they always are.
** I sensed your longing for a useless bit of data. No thanks necessary. I'm here for you. And about as accurate as Wiki. Wiki don't lose that number, you don't wanna call nobody else... What? Maybe you'd prefer Oh, Wiki, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey, Wiki! Hey, Wiki!...
*** That's right. I was an after school special. Luckily, like all after school special heroines, I had pluck.****
**** But mostly luck.