15 January 2009

TMI Thursday/"I'll be loving you... always..." --Leonard Cohen

"Always" has a line of feminine hygiene products. Their slogan is "Have a happy period."

Think about that.

Let's start with the name: Always. Could there be a worse name for a feminine hygiene product? Okay, "Nasty" would be worse. Still...

If you have feminine hygiene issues such that you need something to mitigate them always, it's time to see a doctor. In fact, you might want to head to the emergency room. I think it's safe to say, the last thing most people want to think about as never-ending is menstruation. A diamond may be forever but your period should not be.

Second, how about that slogan: Have a happy period.

As if.

As if buying this product could somehow transform the event into a party, complete with a mariachi band, daiquiris and your drunk cousin, Phil, face-planting into the guacamole.

The only time you have a "happy" period is when you're late. Then, let the revelry begin!

Otherwise, there is no such thing as a happy period.

Just ask my husband.

He'll tell you. He gets a period--mine. Okay, he doesn't get the full experience, but certainly enough of the "joy" to make him very glad it's not always.


Er, nuff said.


LiLu said...

Not bloody likely, indeed. I've been lucky with pretty easy... Times Of The Month. So whenever I happen throw a crazy lady bitchfest, that gets to be my TOTM. Works out pretty well...

urban bohemian said...

I've primarily worked on teams with a female majority. At my current job over the past 5 years, I've gone through many sympathetic pregnancies at the least. I can rela--, I underst--, I uh... can I just back out of that statement?

Still at least Always is pretty direct about it rather than trying to dance around the issue. There's always been this feminine mystique about the products even though everyone knows what they're for by the time they get through Human Health and Sexuality in high school.

Still nothing could prepare me for this commercial. I admit that I cracked up.

"Oooh, newlyweds!"

Lemmonex said...

I am with UB--at least they say the word period... That threw me off the first time. This being said, it is never, ever happy.

Narm said...

I'm only coming if there is a mechanical bull

Liebchen said...

Have you seen this?


I feel like it's often appropriate. (Maybe too often.) And I love your line: "A diamond may be forever but your period should not be." Amen.

LBluca77 said...

The only time my period makes me happy is when it is finished and I can go back to being only semi crazy, not full blown crazy.

fiona said...

Totally agree with everyone!
Also think the prices are criminal!
They should be free.

f.B said...

*gulp*, always? like never-ending? uh..

anyway, it's the big bouncing red dot commercials that get me. i freaking get it. it's about blood. wtf.

Herb of DC said...

What, they don't call it "The Curse" any more?

Kate said...

Always? That made me want to cry. The thought of always.

Felisa said...

The only reason I like having my period is that I can blame stuff on it.
"I'm a bitch? I'm about to have my period."
"I'm still a bitch? I'm on my period."
"I'm STILL still a bitch? I just had my period. Damn hormones."

Mike said...

How about a new name? "NOT NOW!!!!!!!"

Matt said...

If Mariachi's and guac always came during period time- I think it could help my kind tremendously.

D.C. Confidential said...

Whoever came up with that tag line needs to be bound and gagged with maxi pads!

Happy? My ass! (Or my... Oh, never mind.)

Reya Mellicker said...

I ALWAYS thought it was a funny name, too.

Periods are Always for awhile, but not forever! I don't miss it at all.

Katherine said...

"The only time you have a "happy" period is when you're late. Then, let the revelry begin!"


Also, if Always came with Valium, I'd buy the brand no matter the tag line.

lacochran said...

LiLu, Felisa: Good planning on your part.

Urban Bohemian: It used to be that feminine hygiene commercials came on and the women in the room would squirm. Now with Viagra and related male products, everybody gets to share the awkward.

Lemmonex: True.

Narm: Wait, is this about the party or are you having your own little TMI blurt? (That does sound pretty kinky.)

Liebchen: I do love me some somee. Thanks for sharing.

LBluca77: So "somewhat" matters in crazy? I thought it was like pregnant.

Fiona: Brilliant! Government grants for the reduction of PMS through subsidized products. Or something.

f.B: Subtle? Not so much. (Them, not you.)

Herb of DC: The curse, Cousin Flo, Rs27's lady friend, whatever.

Kate: The horror! In fact, it would be a great premise for a horror movie!

Mike: You made me laugh out loud. :) Thanks.

Matt: Your kind and my kind.

DC Confidential: I knew I couldn't be the only one who thought it was ridiculous.

Reya Mellicker: I look forward to not missing it at all.

Katherine: They should bundle them that way. Definitely a good marketing idea.

Erin said...

Hee hee!

I'm pretty sure that most feminine hygiene marketing is done by single or gay men.

I wrote about something similar last year. My tampon wrappers have inspirational slogans on them; whose brilliant idea was that???

lacochran said...

Erin: Yes, inspirational slogans on tampons are like peace slogans on howitzers.