27 January 2009

"Though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool"--George Michael


Since we are FINALLY getting a bit of snow here, it is a good day to watch the flakes fall (ah, pretty!) and tell a story from my long-ago college days. I'm not proud of my behavior in this story. I was young and petty.

The fake names you need to know for this story to hang together:
Barnaby, boyfriend of a few years
Tom, friend
Mindy, floozy

One of the people that I encountered at school was Mindy, who acted like she was the best thing to hit Earth. Proud of herself? Why, yes, yes, she was! And it didn't seem warranted to me. She was so not all that. Not by a long shot.

Mindy was an engineering student so she was in most of the same classes as Barnaby and she would openly flirt with him, even though he and I were a couple. These days, I'd put the blame squarely on Barnaby, because he did nothing to discourage her attention. But, at the time, I was just disgusted with Mindy.

So, one day, I'm hanging out with Tom in a common area. Tom agrees that Mindy is odd looking. She's pear shaped and she's got this remarkably porcine nose. And we are soon in hysterics, riffing on her Ms. Piggy nose when in walks Mindy.

*laughter stops*

Mindy: Okay, you guys were talking about me, right?

Me, horror-struck: No!

Tom: Yes, as a matter of fact we were.

Me: Tom!

Mindy: What was it? The hippo hips, the thunder thighs or the pig nose?

Me, mortified: No, we--

Tom: That's amazing! It was the pig nose! You're good! *laughing*

Mindy: I figured it was one of the three. *chuckling*

Tom: You know your audience!

*Mindy goes on to meet up with another student*

Interestingly, she wasn't mad at us. It was like she expected to be discussed.

Given the situation, would you have admitted you were snarkily gossiping about her? Or claimed plausible deniability to the end, a la Blagojevich, busted or not?

20 comments:

Liebchen said...

I almost want to be a little bit impressed by Mindy's acceptance of it all. I'd have been like you - fervently denying, and then hitting Tom afterward for ratting me out.

Erin said...

First of all, you had me at George Michael. A little illicit gay bathroom sex isn't enough to deter my true love. But I digress...

I believe that honesty is one of the most important and admirable traits a person can have, and I strive for it at all times.

That said, I would have totally lied about making fun of her, then rationalized that it was kinder that way.

I agree with Liebchen that Mindy comes out looking pretty classy in the second half of the story.

It says something good about you that this incident stayed with you for so long.

f.B said...

would it have been wrong to answer the was-it-the-pig-nose-question with a "no" and then start throwing out brand new insults until you found one she hadn't heard?

i'm guessing yes, because she was so gracious. but i could be swayed the other way

Narm said...

I'm taking that to the GRAVE. Now, where I take Mindy is another story.

fiona said...

Your much nicer than me!
If I'd been pissed enough to talk about her...
Mindy: I figured it was one of the three.
Me : Actually we were on number 6 of 10

Yep I would have admitted "snarkasim"

Kate said...

I couldn't do it. I just couldn't admit it.

And I work for a plastic surgeon - that cartoon is in both of our exam rooms. hahahah!

LiLu said...

Denied to the end. Props to her for being okay with it, though.

And that is the greatest cartoon I've ever seen. Now, where is my email telling me to Go Home Early??

rs27 said...

Tom rules.

Madame Meow said...

I gotta say, Mindy sounds like a very enlightened soul.

Maybe.

That, or her self-esteem was really out of whack.

LBluca77 said...

Well since she was cool with it that would have fueled my fire to keep talking shit.

Mike said...

They're aren't very many Mindy's in this world. I think you had a once in a life time event.

Malnurtured Snay said...

I'd have thrown myself out the nearest window, but, uh, that might just be me.

Matt said...

HAHA. You were totally busted there.

What is the saying?

Theres no such thing as bad press.

Thats probably how she sees it.

emma said...

It may just be my cynicism, but I simply don't buy that Mindy was totally cool about it. Or rather, I guess I'm impressed. I have been guilty of gossiping, no doubt. But it almost always comes back to bite me in the ass, particularly if I admit it. You're lucky. That could've gone down ugly!

Oliveira said...

Haha... the last sentence I would say before they lay me to the grave would be "oh and that day you know when, we were not talking about Mindy at all grhhrhhrhhrhhh".

lacochran said...

Liebchen: It was strange, to be sure.

Erin: What does it say? That I remember odd little moments? It's certainly made me paranoid enough to not gossip. ...Well, not as much. ...And with the door locked.

f.B: I like the way you think.

Narm: ba-DUM-chk!

Fiona: Ooo, new word! :)

Kate: Ha! At least you try to ease your patients tension. My doctors' offices have weird medical diagrams of body parts on the walls.

LiLu: Hope you didn't stay 'til it got icy.

Rs27: If I didn't know who Tom was, I might ask if you were he.

MadameMeow: I vote for the second one.

LBluca77: You are sheer guts.

Mike: It was odd but she wasn't feeding orphans in Calcutta, people.

Malnurtured Snay: Now, you've captured the feeling!

Matt: I think you're right.

Emma: Karma's bitten me in the ass enough that Mindy didn't have to.

Olveira: :) Thanks for stopping by.

Bethany said...

Wow--it that was me, I would have been mortified and would have spent the entire class wiping tears and trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

lacochran said...

Bethany: I *was* mortified. But she didn't care so I got over it.

Jamie said...

I would have smiled very sweetly and said that I had better things to talk about than her shortcomings and that she should get the fuck over herself. Then I would have written a note continuing our discussion of Mindy's nose.

I'm not totally cold. I would have had the decency to feel guilty about it later.

lacochran said...

Jamie: Not totally cold? Why, you're practically a Snuggie.