31 May 2008

It's my potty and I'll cry if I want to

Speaking of standards... Pardon my indelicacy but why are there differently shaped toilet seats?

Are butts that dramatically different?

Evolutionarily speaking, at what point did we try to make the leap from this:to this:
And since both exist, did some make the leap and some fail?

In Hollywood, do they have a best selling anorexic version that is even more elongated?

Why do we need a full seat at home but a split seat in public? No, really, why??

These are the questions that keep me up at night. Educate me, somebody, please!

And why do people feel the need for "decorative" toilet seats? Do you really want to see this when you go to the bathroom?

Scary!

And yet (I am not making this up) it is listed under the title: Primary Child Toilet Seat. The child that uses this is going to need a lot of therapy.

And for your viewing pleasure, some of the ugliest toilet seats I've ever seen:
Now if they could some how make it glow like a candle, ahhhhh.

How manly do you need to be in order to require one of these:

Those are either fishing lures or enlarged images of parasites. Either way, Ew, right?

Now, here's a beauty:

Is this to help the hunter feel more, um, inspired? By the way, those are antlers "dripping" over the seat.

How about a toilet seat that looks like it's growing mold even before you use it?

"Clean it?! No, that's just the design!!"

Somebody is buying these. Is it you? Fess up.

8 comments:

Kristin said...

I have a book that offers instructions on how to decorate your own. The examples include a pornoriffic picture from the 70s. I'm not exactly inspired but it does make for interesting reading. Where'd you find these?! They're great.

lacochran said...

Kristin:

I'm intrigued. A) How does one decorate a toilet? and B) How does one do so pornoriffically? I'm thinking decoupage, the most obscene of the crafts, but somehow it's not coming together (heh) in my mind.

I found these on the interwebs, the source of all things toiletty, at ToiletSeatSource.com.

j.m. tewkesbury said...

The split toilet seat often found in commercial construction is a mystery to me as well and keeps me up nights, too. I'm still seeking further light and knowledge on that one.

As for the rest of these, I have no answers except to say that if you need this kind of entertainment or positive affirmation about your personhood or ability to produce a BM or void properly, you're a sad, sad person.

Bathrooms are already foul fixture by themselves. Who wants a toilet seat that makes it impossible to tell whether or not someone dribbled on the loo seat or left certain solid undesirables behind (no bum, I mean pun, intended there.) Yuck!

Bilbo said...

Thanks for sharing. I may never go to the bathroom again.

Sudiegirl said...

I had a looney tunes toilet seat, with padding!

charlotteharris said...

hilarious.. I had NOOOO idea lids like these existed!

AbbotOfUnreason said...

Actually, I've always wondered why there aren't more shapes. We have these expensive desk chairs with 15 knobs and handles because everybody's so different. Shouldn't toilets be equipped with knobs and handles.

(Ew. Having lived in Brittain, I now find the term "knobs" associated with toilets disturbing.)

I have heard building contractors say that the open ring design is for the more nervous women...apparently the same ones who don't like to touch anything.

lacochran said...

J.M.: Yuck indeed. I don't want trouble discerning what's shmutz and what's design.

Bilbo: :) Sorry.

Sudiegirl: That must be why you were destined for greatness! Saw your quote in the Express whilst riding the metro yesterday. Congrats!!

CH: :) You, too, can own one of these charming items.

AoU: Perhaps it is only a matter of time for bathrooms to become equipped with adjustable seats. Hm. Probably a million dollar idea, there.