18 May 2008

Let's all go to the lobby and get ourselves a treat

There's no choice. I have to go back to the movies. The latest (last?) Indiana Jones is coming out and I have to see it on the big screen while I and, more importantly, Harrison can still stumble through it.

We almost never go to the movies. Don't believe it? The last two films I saw on the big screen (they call 'em "talkies", right?) were animation: Ratatouille (2007) and Curse of the Were-Rabbit (2005).

Why so long between events, you ask?*

  • The temperature in most theaters is set to the correct temperature at which to serve Stoli.
  • The cost of a ticket could feed little starving Guillermo and his entire village for 6 months. It's true, I am one of those old fogeys who still remembers when picture shows were $4 a pop. (Yeahyeah, and milk was a quarter and I walked to school uphill both ways carrying all my brothers and sisters on my back. Ahhh, good times.)
  • The sound is blaring. Okay, I actually like it that they blare the sound, though it hurts my widdle ears, because it sometimes blocks out the noisy people around me. But, it sometimes distorts pretty badly, too.
    And, of course...
  • The people.
    • *cue Barbra* People who need people... and prove it by initiating cell phone calls in the middle of movies. People who answer cell phone calls in the middle of movies. People who don't answer their cell phones but don't turn off the ringer either.
    • People in the seat in front of you who move around as much as a Tina Turner back-up dancer.
    • Kids who decide the back of your seat is a good place to practice their DDR moves (or the Lindy or whatever the heck those young whippersnappers are doing these days.)
    • People who sit on the inside of my row and insist on drinking a vat of soda, thereby requiring me to get up and out of their oh-so-urgent way 50 times during the movie.
    • People who explain the movie loudly to the person next to them. "He's just leaving the ransom note! Now... oh, look, now, he's getting into a cab." Did I wander into "movies for the visually impaired"?

On the flip side:
  • How exciting is that initial moment when the lights dim and they start to play the feature film?
  • What better way to see an intricate action sequence or a visually stunning panorama than on the big screen?
  • How fun is it to hear not just your own laughter, but a roar of laughter all around you?
And now for quality entertainment at the movies, may I present the classic: Hare Do.

* You're really good that way. Great questions. Really. It's a wonder your 3rd grade teacher didn't see your potential.


J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Three words: Earplugs and Afternoon Matinee. That's the only way I'll go to movies now. Although, occasionally, for cinematic gems like the opening of Pirates of the Caribbean or Harry Potter or Star Wars, I'll actually go on opening night and brave the hoary masses of teenagers.

And what's up with the price of tickets?! Holy inflated price structures, Batman! $10.50/ticket?! I don't think so. Of course, I'm getting old, right? I remember when a ticket was less than $6. (My mother, who's only 59, remembers when they were $0.10. I can't remember the last time a gum ball was 10 cents!

Bilbo said...

Let's hear it for all us curmudgeons who just can't enjoy the in-theater experience any more! I don't remember what the last movie was I saw in a theater, for the very reasons you list. And yet, there's nothing like the Big Screen for some movies...seeing the Rohirrim charge to break the siege of Gondor in "The Return of the King" just doesn't work on the TV screen at home...

Sudiegirl said...

Hare Do is one of my FAVORITES!!

I hate going to the movies anymore my own bad self...it's too much of a pain. The fact that I went last weekend indicates that I must have skipped a med dose.

lacochran said...

I think it's time we formed a meet-up for people like us. Call it Just Want to Enjoy the Damn Movie Meet-Up. We could probably get a huge number of folks to join and then we could negotiate discounts, rent out the theater, and just enjoy the damn movie!

J.M. Tewkesbury said...

Sign me up! And while we're at it, when we negotiate our own theater and screenings, perhaps we could convince management to lower the volume a tad, too. Lord only knows there's enough aural assault going on from the crack of dawn to sundown. Who needs it in their entertainment?

I wonder if there's a movie theater out at Leisure World in MoCo? I'd imagine it's pretty quiet and teenager-less. I wonder if they'd rent it out for an afternoon to the next generation of rising curmudgeons? Hm...

lacochran said...


But I'm not sure they'd crank *down* the audio for the Leisure World set. :)