08 May 2008

Important fashion tips from What Not to Wear

Things I have learned from watching TLC's What Not to Wear:

  • No matter what your body shape and how pregnant you'll look by doing this, you must wear tops with an empire waist because that's what's in style and you will automatically look better. Even if you look worse.
  • Matching is out. If you wear a brown suit jacket, you can not wear the matching brown suit pants. You must wear deep blue jeans with said jacket and a cream shell and--this is important, too--bright red or lime green shoes for the all important "color pop". You must wear the brown suit pants on a separate occasion with a red print, empire waist top but not with the bright red shoes you bought to go--and I use the word "go" loosely here--with the brown jacket and blue jeans.
  • You must buy and sport at least one butt ugly purse. You get extra points if the purse description includes the word "metallic" or "hobo".
  • No matter what you wear, you will never look as good as Stacy or Clinton.


DotThoughts (the artist formerly known as DotMom) said...

ROTFL. You forgot the trouser jean. I have to admist (sheepsihly) that I am addicted to the show. I even TIVO it. My husband is mortified that his otherwise sane wife watches this show!

lacochran said...



In the spirit of Stacy and Clinton, I mock because I love. And even though I am limited in my fashionista ways, I can appreciate how much better people look in the "after" shot.

Gilahi said...

And nothing, absolutely nothing, that you currently own is any good. We wouldn't clothe homeless people in your rags, so we're going to throw everything you own in the trash, but not before we make snarky comments about every single piece. We're giving you a $5000 Visa card, but we're tossing out your entire wardrobe and you will replace it with 4 outfits.

lacochran said...

gilahi: It's true! You'll only have 4 outfits but they'll be 4 WNTW-approved outfits. :)

washwords said...

this is hillarious! but..awww, but I DO love wntw! and, blush, I DID learn things like the DARK denim jean looks best, wrap dresses look hideous if you're "short-waisted" (me), low waisted are best, and the AVERAGE woman is a size 12-14, and 5'4" (not that I know anyone in THOSE proportions).

I actually wanted to go on the show almost as much as I wanted to get "redone" on QE (but for girls! and not just the joke where they make a woman into Butch Lumberjack Barbie)

Love the blog, I'm faving you (turnabout fair play!) even if I will look waaaay waaaay better than you once Stacy and Clinton pick me.

Sudiegirl said...

OK - I've watched this show a grand total of once.

It hurts my eyes to see the color pop.

PS: Empire Waist shirts make me look pregnant.