Things I have learned from watching TLC's What Not to Wear:
- No matter what your body shape and how pregnant you'll look by doing this, you must wear tops with an empire waist because that's what's in style and you will automatically look better. Even if you look worse.
- Matching is out. If you wear a brown suit jacket, you can not wear the matching brown suit pants. You must wear deep blue jeans with said jacket and a cream shell and--this is important, too--bright red or lime green shoes for the all important "color pop". You must wear the brown suit pants on a separate occasion with a red print, empire waist top but not with the bright red shoes you bought to go--and I use the word "go" loosely here--with the brown jacket and blue jeans.
- You must buy and sport at least one butt ugly purse. You get extra points if the purse description includes the word "metallic" or "hobo".
- No matter what you wear, you will never look as good as Stacy or Clinton.
