"The first time ever I saw your face..." --Roberta Flack (and a million others)

I frequent a few different quick lunch places near workplace # 1.  Not fast food per se ("Ew."  "Seriously."  "That is so gross.") but some of the slightly better-for-you versions that I can purchase in five minutes and wolf down in three.  Yes, I'm a wolfer.  You're picturing me wolfing right now, aren't you?  Garsh, I'm purty.  

Speaking of purty, at one of these places, there is an employee with a mole the size of Nebraska on his face.  It's BIG.  Bigger than the mole in Austin Power's Goldmember (pictured here).  Seriously.  Easily triple the size.  It's distracting.  And unappetizing.  (Are there appetizing moles?  Or would those be beauty marks?)

Now, I'm more than a bit bespeckled myself so I get that this is not something that someone wants or chooses for themselves.  And if I was sporting anything close to this on my face, I'd be hightailing it to my dermatologist/plastic surgeon, even if I had to hit up a loan shark to finance it.

Judge me harshly if you must but my question is, based solely on this holy moley! fact:  Should this man be working in food service? 

"What a drag it is getting old" --Rolling Stones

[Oy.]

I will be turning 50 on March 16th.  Since I don't have a lot positive to say about that fact, I'll let the interwebs do my talking on why it's good to be 50...



 
The 50-ish wife comes up to her husband and says, 'So, Harvey. What do you think of my new bra-less look? Does it make me look younger?'

'It does!' Harvey says. 'It pulls all the wrinkles out of your face!'




The Perks of Being Over 50

---

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.


2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.


3. You sing along with elevator music.


4. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.


5. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.


6. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"


7. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.


8. Things you buy now won't wear out.


9. You can live without sex but not without glasses.


10. You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.


11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.


12. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.


13. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.


14. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.


15. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.


16. Your eyes won't get much worse.


17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.


18. You can't remember where you saw this list.


I've always heard how age doesn't show on men like it does on women.  Uh...




 Yeah?

Question du jour:  Is age "just a number" or life's little way of bringing Nelson Muntz to life?

Assorted Flotsam

Two stupid things that taste great together...


1.  An open apology to the woman I didn't know at the President's Day gathering:

Me, finishing my first beer:  You look familiar.  Have we met before?

Her:  I don't think so.  I haven't been hanging out with these guys much until just recently.

Me, puzzled:  You really look familiar...

Friend:  Maybe you know each other through work?

Her:  I work at the [her workplace].

Me:  No, no, ...no.  Huh.  I could have sworn I've seen you before.  Maybe in my dreams.

*awkward pause all around*

Yeah, apparently, that was me hitting on you accidentally.  I meant to say "Maybe I'm dreaming" or "Maybe I dreamed it" but, no, I said "Maybe in my dreams".  Like I should be so lucky.  Like You're my dream girl.

Like, um, no.

So, yeah, sorry.  I'm sure you're a lovely person and your significant other, who was sitting right next to you, is a lucky fella, but I didn't actually mean to say you are my fantasy gal.

That would be Salma Hayek.

Question Uno:  What's the most inappropriate thing you've ever said by accident?  



2.  The metro cat theory...You know how every stairwell in every DC Metro station has that uber-pungent urine smell?  I think this is because Metro intentionally adds the pee smell to ensure people don't loiter in the stairwells.  Further, I'm convinced no human could create that kind of super strong urine smell.  It has to be a cat.  Because cat urine?  That's a FOREVER smell.  So, there must be some cat that Metro hires to pee in every stairwell.   But there are so many cats that COULD do the job.  Worthy cats.  Urine-rich cats.  Tough-minded "We don't need no stinkin' kitty litter" cats.

Question Dos:  How do they choose the Metro cat?

"'Cause I don't believe you" --Crack the Sky

I've seen some pretty unbelievable things in movies.  Flying monkeys, wealthy Richard Gere falling in love with hooker Julia Roberts, all those mother-effin snakes on a plane... suffice to say that Hollywood has stretched my acceptance of what is possible until my brain is as rubbery as Newt Gingrich's wedding vows.

But last night... *shakes head in disgust*  ...last night, we watched The Emperor's Club.  This is a mediocre movie in which Kevin Kline plays a teacher at an exclusive boys prep school.  That I can buy, despite the very distracting fact that Kevin Kline has no lips.  This is almost as distracting as the fact that Whoopi Goldberg has no eyebrows.  See?  Check it.  None.

Just a line where his lips are supposed to be.  When he kisses you, is it like kissing grandpa without his teeth in?  Do you get enveloped by nose, chin and cheek?
 
Regardless, Kevin Kline, teacher, prep school--check.

What I can't buy, no matter what anybody says, is the time lapse in the film that shows this:

becoming this:

In what universe does dorky Jesse Eisenberg grow up to be sex symbol Patrick Dempsey?  Who the heck was in charge of this casting?  Stevie Wonder?


Question du jour:  What's the absolute stupidest thing you've ever seen in a movie?


Oh, and just because it's my blog and I can, here's another gratuitous shot of Patrick Dempsey:

You're welcome.

"Something familiar, something peculiar..." --Stephen Sondheim

On Monday, I was off from Job 1 but worked Job 2.  During my luxurious 1/2 hour for lunch, I ran the two blocks to a little French cafe.  There, I ordered vegetable soup, a tuna melt and a drink and sat down, trying not to tap my foot impatiently.  Five minutes later, the waitress brought my lemonade and a lovely crock of vegetable soup and told me the tuna melt was on the way, which, happily, it was.  The soup looked nice.  The soup smelled lovely.  The soup tasted... well, it tasted good.  And quite familiar.  It was Progresso. 

I don't mean it tasted like canned soup.

I mean, this French cafe opened a can of Progresso vegetable soup, poured a small amount  in a small crock, nuked it for a minute, and charged me $3.50 for the pleasure.  Had I wandered into a scene from European Vacation?

Now, I am not anti-Progresso.  I am pro-Progresso.  If I were any more pro-Progresso I might go pro.  (I'm progressive that way.)  I recognized the soup because I have Progresso soups at home in the pantry for when I am sickly and weak and want a quick bowl of soup with truly minimal effort.  So, I wasn't put off, per se.  It just got me to wondering how often a restaurant dish is actually the result of opening a can or boxed frozen entree? 

So I am taking my wondering to the vast knowledge of the interwebs.  Questions du jour:  Have you ever "recognized" a portion of your meal?  Is there anything wrong with a restaurant doing this?  What percentage of your average restaurant (not fast food) meal do you think is completely pre-made?