23 May 2011

"If you steal my sunshine" --Len

Congrats on not ascending. You heathen, you. Maybe we all didn't ascend because of this woman...

I was at a nail salon this weekend. I was led to a pedicure chair (sans fish) and noticed the woman next to me because: A) she had her knock-off designer purse on the little table part attached to MY chair and it was sticking out over MY arm rest, B) she was muttering into her cell phone the entire hour she was there and C) she had arrived in three inch, leopard print pumps.

On A): you know I pushed that sucker way over to her side and off my arm rest without even making eye contact.

On B): Eh. I think it's rude to the technician but I guess it's no worse than reading a magazine. Plus, muttering is preferable to shouting.

On C): I have nothing against leopard print pumps but time and place, People. Who goes to get a pedicure in pumps? You go in sandals and shorts! This is widely known. But, apparently, not to this woman.

So, as luck would have it, when my mani/pedi (which always sounds like "maxipad" to me) was done, I was guided to a drying station chair right next to this woman. The dryers ran. Then her technician came over and sprayed her toes with drying spray and walked away. I heard her say into the phone "I'm not going to put on my shoes because I don't think the polish is dry yet." With that, she got up, carrying her pumps, paid at the counter and walked out IN THE FLIP-FLOPS THE SALON PUT ON HER FEET!

I looked around to see if anyone else had watched this theft transpire besides me... nope. I considered calling to one of the technicians. But... I did nothing. After all, maybe you're allowed to take those minipad (hey, we're working a theme here)-thin flip-flops even though there's a return bin for them at the drying station. Maybe she's worked out a deal to bring them back next time. Or... maybe she's just a selfish bitch.

Which leads us to multiple questions du jour: Are those flip-flops yours to take? Should I have said something? If so, to whom? Am I an accessory? Don't tase me, Bro!

17 May 2011

Assorted Flotsam

Assorted flotsam: the hate edition.

  • We know Blogger screwed up and blew away all but one comment on my last post and that this general screwing up happened to a lot of people. If people comment and the comments disappear, does a tree fall in a forest? And if Blogger is at the heart of deforestation, should we be angrier about that or about Canada foisting Celine Dion on us?
  • It was the 10 year mark so we had no choice. We sent our passports in for renewal. It'll likely take about 6 weeks. Meanwhile we have no passports. And I hate this. HATE this. Suppose I want to do some crimes and flee the country? Then what? There is no box on the renewal form that has "I'm keeping the old passport until you send me the new one because I may want to do some crimes and flee the country" and this is what's wrong with the U.S. today. The terrorists have won.
  • Can I tell you how much I hate the mylife.com commercial where the lady says "Seven people?!" *giggle* "...looking for ME?!" *giggle*giggle* Yuh, because I want to be hassled by more people. Right. Lady, people looking for you isn't always a good thing. Sure, it could be that sweet Jimmy who picked a daisy for you in third grade but more likely it's that weird guy from Accounting who always stares at your breasts. Is the mylife.com target demographic the same demographic that asks telemarketers to put them on a "please call" list?

Yeah, okay. I'm embracing my inner-curmudgeon. Tomorrow, unicorns and double rainbows.

Maybe unicorns barfing double rainbows. Baby steps.

11 May 2011

"She's super-freaky, yow!" --Rick James

First question du jour: Is it wrong to pay to watch freaks do their freakiness?*

Yeah, that's what I've been doing of late.

We pay for Dish satellite service and I've been watching Extreme Couponing on TLC. Have you seen this stuff?!

I'm all for getting a good deal buuuuut...

As near as I can tell, this is not about getting half off a product you'd buy anyway. This is about setting up a room that is Armageddon-worthy and filling it with items that can be gotten for free or nearly free, whether they are needed or not. These people hoard. With a capital Holy Moly. There was one woman who had hundreds of packages of diapers but no children. Okay, so diapers don't go bad but who needs 400 bags of Doritos?** It's freaky, I tell ya.

And, yet... I can not stop watching. It is amazing to see these people, invariably sweating as they see the purchases ring up to hundreds--sometimes thousands!--of dollars and, then, they hand over the stack of coupons and the total steadily drops down to $28.52.

Additional questions du jour: Do you clip coupons? Are you annoyed when you see the person in front of you has a lot of coupons? Have you ever passed a bad coupon?***

* Thank god reading blogs is still free. You freaks, you.

** Mike, put your hand down.

*** You may want to respond in code to that last one--the coupon police are everywhere.