27 June 2015

"Go on and write me up for 125, Post my face, wanted dead or alive, Take my license, all that jive, I can't drive 55" --Sammy Hagar

I saw this as I was driving through DC and snapped a photo. It explains so much, doncha think?

I was raised in the 'burbs of Baltimore and there are times I head back there to see my cousins. I always notice the difference in level of aggression between the Washington beltway and the Baltimore beltway.  Mind you, they are geographically within an hour of each other but a million miles away from each other, in every other respect. In DC traffic, I bob and weave, lead-footed, never hesitating to give as good as I get. When I hit Baltimore, I suddenly feel like I'm hip-checking granny and her tapping white cane out of my way.

Question du annĂ©e:  Do you ever drive the speed limit?  

You know, when there's no cop around.

C'mon, it'll just be between us. Whisper it in my ear (over the roar of the accelerator.)

13 May 2014

"You don't send me flowers" --Barbra Streisand and Neil Diamond

I did something a little different Friday. I took a Craigslist gig. Once I got used to the snugness of the  French maid's outfit, it wasn't so bad. *shakes head* Those wacky French.

Okay, maybe not. What I did do: I took a day off from my standard work and helped a local florist get their Mother's Day deliveries done. It was a long day for not a lot of money but it was nice making people happy with the deliveries. And they were happy! Very!

Here's the thing... I delivered 23 bouquets/arrangements and got lots of thank yous but not one tip. Not a one. I smiled and was pleasant. The deliveries were beautiful. So, what the heck? Which leads me to the...

Question du jour: When you get a delivery, do you tip?

06 May 2014

"Shout! Shout! Let it all out!" --Tears for Fears

Hubs and I are at the library. We hear two men at the computers chatting.

Remarkably unattractive, unusually loud 60-something man: So, she wound up with EVERYthing. The HOUSE. The BONDS. EVERYthing. I TRIED to tell him but he wouldn't listen. ...That's why I'M not getting married. NO way.

Hubs and I exchange a look: Yeah, that's why.

It's not that you're ugly. It's not that you're so pale and doughy Pillsbury would hire you. It's not that you don't possess an inside voice. It's not that you're freer with your opinions than Rush Limbaugh. It's not because you think women are desperate for your money. No, it's because you CHOOSE to not be married.

What a prize. Hear the weeping of all the single women?

Question  #1: Why are the most adamant people the most clueless?

Question #2: What kind of friend consoles his buddy by saying, "I told you she was no good and you never should have married her"?

Question #3: Does anyone remember when libraries were quiet places and librarians would actually SHUSH you if you did more than whisper?

21 March 2014

"Now, I don't know... I don't know" --Jimmy Buffett

Oh, hai.

I've been traveling some.

Got to see Vanna and Pat do their thing in L.A. in January. Yeah, L.A. in L. A... Seems like they would have thrown a parade or something, right? Not so much. I did get a free light up W.o.F. pin, though. Also? Vanna really is that beautiful. Still.

And last month in the midst of the snow-lashings, we spent 5 days with friends in steamy (80+% humidity) Key West. Hey, that's not a weather complaint, just a fact. I'll take balmy any day! Plus, ya gotta love those six-toed Hemingway cats:

So, yeah, I've seen some wondrous sights of late. But in the Key West hotel, I noticed this thingamabob between the door and the TV. See it?

Here's a closer view...

My question is: What the hell is that??

The other thing I've been doing lately is deleting. I'm spending a lot of time deleting all the second spaces after all the periods that I can't help but type because, goshdernit, that's the way I was taught as a youngin. Anybody else doing this??

13 February 2014

"If I gave my heart to you" --The Beatles

For you.

From me.

The Ki To My Heart. 

That's right, I cut a kiwi in half and took a picture just for you.

Why?  Because that's how life is... random and beautiful and has a furry peel.

For more in this series see Celery Rose.*

*And by series, I mean two times in five years.  Artistic genius takes time, people!!