"What's your name" --Usher

I have a lot of rules. Sadly, most of them have little to do with reality. But, hey, this is my blog so my rules should stand for something here.

Right?

No?

Oh.

Well, fine, I'll just share a few anyway. *phhttt*

New Rule: If you are the first person in your organization to have your name, you get to keep it. Woot! Woot!

Equal and Opposite Rule: If you are not the first person in your organization to have your name, you have to change your name. On the spot.

Before you get all squinky, think how freeing that could be. You no longer have to suffer the burden of the name your parents gave you. When your ex comes to stalk you and asks for you, people can honestly say "No, the only [your name here] doesn't match that description at all."

Biggest Loser Obligatory Secret Twist Rule: If you don't pick something quickly, we'll pick something for you. Yesterday you were Nicole? Today you are Conchita. Yesterday Robert? Today Caramel Frappuccino.

Corollary: Where I am all for interesting and unique names, if you have a common name, you have to use the accepted, common spelling. That's right. No silent letters or cutesy spellings. Sharon is Sharon. Not Charrhun.

That is all.

"Bite back..." --The All American Rejects

Can we just agree, here and now, that if I ever date you and you are a vampire, that you will bite my neck?*

Well?

Not just a graze. Not a nibble. Not a hickey. Oh, you can do all that, too, but you better get around to a bite.** I'm talking chomp city. Because where's the value in dating a vampire otherwise?!

So, by now you can guess which movie I got stuck watching on the flight to Barbados.

Ooo, the teen angst. Ooo, the bleached out features. Ooo, the smoldering intensity.

Yeah, talk about biting.***



* You might as well tell me here and now as this is the kind of thing that's bound to come up. One night you'll be flossing in that annoying way you do--you use way too much elbow--and I'll say "Hey, if you were a vampire would you bite me?" and you'll have to answer me then and there with floss hanging from your teeth, which, trust me, won't help you at all.

** Okay, maybe I'm a wee bit too old for hickeys.

*** This was the better of the two movies I saw. I could, sadly, remember all of Twilight. But, try as I might, I couldn't remember the other film we saw on the trip back at all. It was close to two weeks later when I saw an ad on TV (it's coming out on Blu-Ray) that I realized we had seen The Day the Earth Stood Still on the return flight. Bleah. Really, really bleah. Promise me****, if you're ever Keanu Reeves, that you'll do better than this dreck?

**** Yeah, that's two promises I'm demanding. It's Monday; I'm feeling needy.

You learn something new every day

Okay, now what the hell is this:
http://blogshares.com/blogs.php?checkid=11754848

Certainly not something I volunteered for.

And now for something completely different

We meet friends for lunch at Rice and enjoy quite yummy Thai food. They offer some classics but also some interesting new twists. And, near as I can tell, nobody spit in my food. So, that's always nice. Not really primo blog material without the spitting, but, you know, lunch-wise, it's a plus.

By the time we leave, the wind has died down and it is a gorgeous day. We make our way over to Dupont Circle where we meet up with more friends for the second half of DC's portion of International Pillow Fight Day 2009. With pillow in hand, I charge into the fray.




What a hoot!

Update: For better video, go here: Urban Bohemian

"Froggy went a courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh" --traditional folk song

In between the long-term relationships in my life, I've, um, kissed a few frogs. I've already mentioned Baby Oil Guy, so why not elaborate on a few more... you know, the ones I haven't blocked out altogether. I go out with some of these guys. Others, um, no. Just, No.

Assorted Reasons I Have Rejected Guys (in loosely chronological order, with one bullet per fella)

Age 7:

• He thinks armpit farts are the height of hilarity.
  

Okay, at 7, I didn't so much reject him, as stop crushing on him. In my mind, he was appropriately devastated.*

Age 14:

• He doesn't know how to play pinball.

Mind you, this was in the era of pinball machines in every pizza place. It wasn't that he was bad. He. Didn't. Know. How. It was like he'd never encountered one. He stood there and read the instructions on the pinball machine. If you want to get a feel for how odd this was, substitute "use a microwave" for "play pinball".

Age 16:

• He brings a boombox on our double date, so he can express himself by playing one Foreigner song, over and over.
  

You can imagine how thrilled the other couple was. This pre-dates the movie Say Anything, which, by the way, featured a Peter Gabriel song.**

Age 17:

• He is wrong. Insistently so.
  

Now, I have been known to argue a point that is clearly bogus just to see how far I can take it but get this: He takes me to a Tom Petty concert and every time Tom sings "Don't have to live like a refugee", he sings over Tom, "Don't have to live JUST like a refugee", as if Tom needs correcting. People turn and stare.

• He looks like Howdy Doody. With acne.
  

You're looking for elaboration?

• He waits too long.
  

He is adorable, but friends with Howdy Doody (see above). He waits until a week after Howdy to ask me to the dance, leaving me in the awkward position of not being able to go with him because I've already told Howdy I'm not really into "the dance thing".

Age 18:

• He abandons me.
  

He makes me take the bus back from our first date. Alone. In an area I don't know. I wind up back at a skeevy bus terminal late at night, scared and unclear which stranger I must trust for help.***

Age 23:

• He kisses like a two-year-old.

Copious slobber.

Age 25:

• He wears a light brown, corduroy, three-piece suit to a black tie affair.
  

And not in an ironic way, either.

• His dog bites him. Often.

I see the dog's point.



* But, then, in my mind, they always are.

** I sensed your longing for a useless bit of data. No thanks necessary. I'm here for you. And about as accurate as Wiki. Wiki don't lose that number, you don't wanna call nobody else... What? Maybe you'd prefer Oh, Wiki, you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind, Hey, Wiki! Hey, Wiki!...

*** That's right. I was an after school special. Luckily, like all after school special heroines, I had pluck.****

**** But mostly luck.