07 April 2009

"What's your name" --Usher

I have a lot of rules. Sadly, most of them have little to do with reality. But, hey, this is my blog so my rules should stand for something here.




Well, fine, I'll just share a few anyway. *phhttt*

New Rule: If you are the first person in your organization to have your name, you get to keep it. Woot! Woot!

Equal and Opposite Rule: If you are not the first person in your organization to have your name, you have to change your name. On the spot.

Before you get all squinky, think how freeing that could be. You no longer have to suffer the burden of the name your parents gave you. When your ex comes to stalk you and asks for you, people can honestly say "No, the only [your name here] doesn't match that description at all."

Biggest Loser Obligatory Secret Twist Rule: If you don't pick something quickly, we'll pick something for you. Yesterday you were Nicole? Today you are Conchita. Yesterday Robert? Today Caramel Frappuccino.

Corollary: Where I am all for interesting and unique names, if you have a common name, you have to use the accepted, common spelling. That's right. No silent letters or cutesy spellings. Sharon is Sharon. Not Charrhun.

That is all.


f.B said...

No silent letters or cutesy spellings

So true. I once had a friend named "Jacie" who insisted her name was pronounced "Jackie." I told her her mother couldn't spell.

Liebchen said...

Did you see the story about the parent who insisted their child was Ledasha, when it was spelled Le-a?

Maybe you should wait to name the kid until after the drugs wear off.

Matt said...


Or I would just name them different colors based on what they were wearing that day.

Mike said...

I can't think of the comedian's name by he said people were starting to name their kids after pharmaceutical products.

"This is my daughter Advil and my son Poriva"

Wv: poriva - sounded pharmaceutical to me.

rachaelgking said...

"Before you get all squinky..."

But my panties are already bunched!

fiona said...

Oh boy am I in trouble!
WT has a Gaelic name with the Gaelic spelling...not good here in the US

repliderium.com said...

A guy in my old apt building spelled his name with a 5. I'm not fucking kidding you. Jac5k.
Had it legally changed.
(Yeah, the 5 is silent.)

Fearless in Toronto said...

There was a corporate law professor at my school who started the school year as a man and who slowly morphed over the course of the year into a woman. But everyone continued to call him "Bill" because that was how he was professionally known. He still practices law, teaches and writes textbooks as Bill, but Bill just happens to wear sweater sets and pearl earrings. True story.

Herb said...

Here's one more rule: When you are hired to replace someone in an organization, you are required to take that person's name. For instance let's say Bob is hired to replace Conchita. Bob will assume her name thus saving the company the expense of a new office name plate and all the trouble everyone would have to go through to update email distribution lists.

Genius? Yes, I know

Rahul said...

"Maybe you should change your name."

"Why should I change my name, he's the one that sucks."


restaurant refugee said...

I once refused to hire a server at a restaurant because of the spelling of her name - that and she was bat shit crazy as indicated by the completely affected and self- adopted spelling/pronunciation of her perfectly fine given name.

Gilahi said...

rs27: Too easy. The movie is "Office Space".

Titania said...

My name, which not shockingly is not Titania, is probably the most common female name in my home country (although not THAT common in the US). It is spelled the same in English and in Spanish, yet it is pronounced differently. Do I get to pronounce my name as in my country, or do I get a kick in the ass for that?

Barbara said...

I've seldom had to worry about sharing my name with anyone. Most of us with that name were born around 1949, when Miss America gave us our name. I'm not sure how I'd feel about being one of 6 Jessicas. It might make me crazy enough to come up with a new spelling. :)

The children's names in the shelter where I read are a study in creativity. Let's just say they are all UNIQUE!

lacochran said...

f.B: Ha!

Liebchen: I didn't. That's hysterical!

Matt: Why not focus on their worst feature: "Hey, B.O." or "Get me that report, Moleface".

Mike: I'll be that routine has a Viagra kid in it.

LiLu: Who else looks so good when they're squinky? No one!

Fiona: I'm guessing there aren't two in his class, at least, so no confusion.

Repliderium.com: Un5flippinbelievable.

Fearless in Toronto: Not sure I get the connection but thanks for sharing, all the same.

Herb of DC: That IS genius!!

Rs27: LOVE Office Space. I can watch it a million times.

RestaurantRefugee: THAT'S why you make good executive material.

Gilahi: *ding*ding*ding* A winner.

Titania: Should I guess? Technically, you're within my rules because you didn't freak up the spelling.

Barbara: From "I Love Lucy"...

Lucy: I want our baby's name to be unique and euphonious.

Ricky: Okay, Unique if it's a girl and Euphonious if it's a boy.