"I want it long, straight, curly, fuzzy, snaggy, shaggy, ratty, matty" -- Hair (Macdermot, Ragni & Rado)

Things not to say while in the hair-cutter's chair:

• "Why did they give you the station by the bathroom? Jeez, you have to smell that all day?"
• "You know who's really stupid? People who tip. You're already paying for good service in the base price, right?!"
• "I've been so blah lately. How about something really, really different?"
• "Remember last time when you messed up my hair?"
  
• "The problem with my job is, it's ridiculously easy and they overpay me so most of the time I'm bored."
• "Is that a black eye?"
• "Remember A Flock of Seagulls? Gosh, they were cool."
• "What the hell happened to your hair?"

"I can't make you love me, if you don't" --Bonnie Raitt

Wide swings in food this past weekend... We are at the Wine Kitchen in Leesburg Saturday for lunch, Krispy Kreme for a Saturday night get-together, and at a restaurant in Columbia, which I won't name, for a Sunday lunch meet up. The company is exceptional for all of these but, despite Krispy Kreme surpassing my expectations*, the gustatory honors have to go to the Wine Kitchen. Excellent yet simple food with marvelous, reasonably priced wine options (a variety of flights to choose from! what fun!) and great service. Who could ask for more? H/t to Dezel for pointing us to this place.

Meanwhile, on Sunday, we meet up with friends at a buffet that has quite tasty food but the service is a little, um, strange. As we are finishing dessert:

Waiter: How did you like the buffet?
Several of us: Wonderful! Tasty!
Waiter to Hubby: What did you like on the buffet?
Hubby: I liked the channa masala!
Waiter: That's all? What else?
Hubby: *blink* Well, no, that's not all, but channa masala is my favorite.
Waiter: Yes, okay, you liked the channa masala. But what else did you like?
Hubby: Er...
The rest of us: It was all quite good.
Waiter, looking displeased at the two,of four, uneaten dosas sitting on the table (These were brought, unrequested, to us): These are dosas.
Friend: Yes, we just couldn't finish them.
Waiter: *offers explanation of what region dosas come from and then looks at us expectantly*
*we look at him and each other*
Friend's mate to Friend: You didn't want to take them home, did you?
Friend: No...
Waiter: ...
Friend, looking desperate: I ate one!

What the hell? Why are we explaining ourselves to the waiter!? We didn't order the grill!



* I am a Dunkin Donuts snob, born and bred, and have always proudly worn the DD mantel of splediciousness (sometimes quite obviously around the hip and tush area) but I have to admit that lemon-filled Krispy Kreme was quite yummy! Thanks, Tewkesbury, for pushing my culinary envelope.

"Express yourself" --Madonna

[Sometimes gripes are legitimate.]


[Unrelated note: To see me all macho-like (yeah, worse than usual), check out my guest post at White-Collar Redneck today.]

When we travel, I like to read reviews of places on TripAdvisor.com because you get the real deal versus the standard PR campaign. That said, there are a lot of morons traveling/offering reviews and you have to take what you read with a huge grain of salt. No joke, there's at least one of these on every place reviewed on TripAdvisor:

1. "I loved everything about this place but gave it an overall lousy rating. Did I mention how great the food and the service were? And the view, OMG the view! And they were constantly cleaning but not in an intrusive way! It was the best place we've ever stayed at! But where do they get off charging that much money?"
2. "I had a lousy trip in because the airline sucked/my travel agent lied. Even though I'm in paradise, this ruined my mood and my entire trip and you shouldn't come here because of that."
3. "My kids were in the adults only pool/I demanded a late check-out when the hotel was booked to capacity/I wanted a burger and they only had filet mignon/I wanted a raspberry margarita and they only had strawberry margaritas/I ignored the posted dress code for dinner. Can you believe they were totally inflexible!?"
4. "How come nobody speaks English here? What the hell is that? Okay, it's a foreign country but sheesh!"
   
5. "Even though every other review claims the resort is spotless and the rooms are spectacular, our room was covered in mold and dead bugs."

This last one is my favorite. TripAdvisor has the option for reviewers to upload their own pictures. I swear, there's somebody that travels to every resort with baggies of bugs and mold and does these elaborate photo shoots. How can it be that every other room on property is sparkling new and exquisite and theirs is the portal to hell?

Also, every one of these will start out with the words "I'm not a picky traveler but..." It's like the ubiquitous words in porn letter mags: "I never thought this could happen to me..."

"She likes to party all the time" --Eddie Murphy

Years ago, I went to a party.* I had bought a new outfit because, at the time, I was trying to impress a guy that, at this point in time, I realize wasn't worth the effort. You with me? I got this outfit that I thought was pretty dang snazzy and I thought I looked good, in a dramatic sort of way. I can pull off dramatic to some level.

So, I show up to the party and I spot a friend of mine and his girlfriend. I head over to them and the conversation goes like this....

Me: Hi, folks!
Friend: Hey, LA, glad you made it.
Me: Me, too! How's it going?
Friend: Good, good.
Friend's girlfriend, looking at my clothes: You look very *pause* New York.
Me: *pause* Is that a compliment?
Friend's girlfriend:
Me: Is it?
Friend's girlfriend:
Friend: Er, there's beer over here...

Is this reasonable??

She's willing to insult me to my face but then not own it? What the heck is that? Why say anything at all? This is like the person who comments that you've gotten a new haircut but then doesn't say anything more. If you don't like it, why mention it at all?


*Okay, that sounds like it's been years since I've been to a party. I've been to parties since then. I don't want you to get the idea that I'm never invited anywhere. I get invited. At least the first time.**

** At least I'm not a double dipper. I dip, bite, turn the chip, and dip again. You?

Give it a rest

You know what you need?* Here's what you need: You need to take a break.

Geez, people. I take a week and a half off and what do I come back to? 350+ posts in my Reader.

Where was all this energy when I was home sick last Fall and looking for entertainment? Now, your blogmaniacs.

People, people, people. You are working too hard. Step away from the computer. Get some fresh air. Kiss a girl. Or a boy. Or a puppy. Whatever. But for the love of god, stop posting!

Or at least keep it short.

Or I may be forced to take actions into my own hands. *cue ominous music as cursor hovers about the Mark All As Read button*



* Don't you hate people that say "You know what you need?" I always want to respond with "Mm, some bad advice from you?"