"You walked into the party..." --Carly Simon

Saturday I meet one of those "I don't watch TV" people. You know what I mean?

Here's what I don't mean: There are plenty of people who don't watch TV for one reason or another and they are pleasant people. I have no problem with these people.

Then, there's the "I don't watch TV" people who feel it's important to let you know--often repeatedly--that they don't watch TV because it's beneath them/it's a waste of time/their lives are so full they couldn't possibly be bothered with television. They've made a judgment and therefore, by contrast, you're being judged.

We are at a party Saturday, enjoying the nice weather (after a week of rain) and drinking daiquiris made from fresh strawberries and eating food with genuine grill marks in it. There are probably ~50 of us in various clusters of lawn chairs.

Somehow television comes up three different times in the midst of talking about a dozen topics. (Note: I do not initiate all of these conversations but I may be "to blame" for one.) Each time, Ms. I Don't Watch Television (IDWT) interjects that she doesn't watch television.

Yeah, okay, so maybe it's time for her to sit quietly and enjoy the sun or go get another daiquiri or mingle with a a different set of folks for a while or even introduce a new topic. It's not like anyone turned to her and asked, "What do you think of Lost?" to which a natural response would be "Is that a TV show? I don't watch television."

It was more along the lines of:

Friend: Who Wants to be a Millionaire is going back into production.

Me: Really? I had no idea. Are you going to try out?

Friend: Yeah, I think I am!

Ms. IDWT: I don't watch television.

By the third time, she is volunteering so much more, without prompting, that I turn my attention to her, thinking maybe this will meet whatever need she's determined to express.

Ms. IDWT: I don't watch TV. We just never turn it on. We have a TV but we just don't watch it. We used to watch CSI but we don't even do that anymore.

Me: Is that right...

Ms. IDWT: We're so busy with other things that we just never turn it on.

Me: What do you do with your evenings?

Ms. IDWT: We drink wine and play scrabble and enjoy each other's company.

Me: That's nice.

Ms. IDWT: Even my sixteen-year-old doesn't watch TV. She doesn't turn it on.

Me: She's probably too busy with the computer and texting her friends...

Ms. IDWT: No, she's not into that.

Me: *blink* That's unusual.

Ms. IDWT: I guess it is. She's a great kid and she has a great boyfriend. He's in Florida.

Me: Florida? How did she meet him if he's in Florida?

Ms. IDWT: Over the Internet.

At this point I am done with this woman. Her daughter isn't into computers but she's got a boyfriend she met over the Internet. Chyeah.

Look, I get that television is rarely an intellectual pursuit. That the quality of television continues to sink to new lows. I, myself, have chosen at times to go multiple weeks without television. Any television.

But, currently? I watch television. So what?

I've spent sick days with the television on all day. I've gotten through bad times by doing what I can about a sucky situation and then diverting my attention from the suckitude by watching comedies. What's wrong with that? Why is it such a badge of honor to some people that they don't watch television?

Romantic Christmas

When I was a young girl, of say 5 or 6 or 7, 98% of my experience of Christmas came from the television and it was a very romanticized version.

It was the era of Christmas specials. So Dolly Parton's Christmas Special was followed by Andy Williams' Christmas Special, Donny & Marie's Christmas Special, and so on. It was that kind of time.

It was always snowing for Christmas in Hollywood. I can remember that there were a lot of scenes of snow falling outside windows while people gathered around a huge, stone fireplace that looked to be burning real wood, and sang romantic Christmas songs to each other while they wore brightly-colored sweaters. Occasionally they sang while they went on sleigh rides but mostly they gathered by the fire, singing and briefly chuckling at lame jokes between songs.

I thought: this is why people love Christmas. You get to canoodle with the one you love in front of a fire and you sing each other romantic songs. How great is that?

It's the Time of the Season (TV)

Remember when there was a lot of decent stuff on TV? Okay, it's been a lot of years, but stroll with me down memory lane. There was a time when there was more than one night a week with something to watch. Not only that but you'd know when the "TV season" was starting. In fact, one of the counterpoints to the horribleness of going back to school was that at least you had the new TV season to look at come September. There would be specials with genuine stars talking about the new shows. And then the TV season consisted of a number of real seasons' worth (Fall/Winter/Spring) of new shows and then summer came and you had reruns. Ah, nostalgia.

Then they cut the number of episodes. You got one, maybe two, real seasons and then reruns and more reruns.

Then they started with "mid-season replacements" which were sometimes better than the official season starters.

Then they started switching somewhat willy nilly to the point where you said "Wait, is that show on? Is it canceled? What's the deal? I thought that show was in this time slot...?"

Now we have the writers' strike. So we have even more reruns.

I've noticed that the "reality" shows aren't rerunning. Does that mean they don't have writers? Or just that they're filmed so far in advance that it doesn't affect them?

I miss the good old days of television. Is it any wonder that TV Land is so popular?

Is the TV Changing or Am I?

When I was a little kid we had four channels on TV, some of them snowy. It seemed like there was ALWAYS something on that I wanted to see, except when the President was addressing the nation, which would be carried by all four channels and be painfully boring to my five-year-old sensibilities. Other than that, TV was GREAT!




Now I have a satellite dish, get hundreds of channels and there is rarely anything I want to see. What's that about? Has television gotten so lousy? Am I not interested because I'm no longer the target demographic and things aren't geared toward entertaining me? Maybe as I've grown up I realize how TV pales next to the real world. Nah, that ain't it.


The preponderance of TV sitcoms and variety shows when I was five have largely vanished. Now we get reality/shock shows and they just don't sing to me. How many of these horrors can you gape at before you walk away feeling like you need a shower?


Thank god for shows like "The Class", "Two and a Half Men" and "The King of Queens."


Yeah, I'm watching "American Idol" and, yes, the judges are getting crueler. I'm not proud of it but there it is. It's better than watching people eat rats and bugs on "Survivor". At least I think it is. I dunno.


Lately we've been turning off the TV more and more. Shocking, I know. We play Scrabble. We play Boggle. We go out with friends. Last night we popped in a DVD of British sitcom "My Family". We've seen it before but it's still preferable to 99.9% of what's on.

In the words of Bruce Springsteen:

We switched 'round and 'round 'til half-past dawn
There was fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on
Fifty-seven channels and nothin' on