The straight poop on pigeons

For years, my sister used the pet name of "Pidge" or "Pigeon" for her husband until he finally put a stop to it. For some reason, my brother-in-law thought that was insulting. He went on about "stupid, filthy, disgusting creatures."

I think he had it all wrong. Consider the evidence...

A) They're smart:

Notice how the pigeon poops on the chess board as a way to psych out his opponent. Smart! This is step 1 of the famous Mazursky poop-and-peck-to-death strategy.

B) They have much cuter tails than rats do.


This guy wishes he could grow feathers.

C) They've got that cool Kate Hepburn head bob, like they're always listening to some great music on a tiny pigeon iPod.

How fabulous was Kate, with her hair bob, head bob, or any Bob?

D) They coo. Babies coo and most people go all gooey.* Let a pigeon do it, it's evil.

Multiple similarities... just sayin'...

E) They support our troops by delivering messages.**

So, pigeons are patriotic!

F) They poop wherever they want.

If that isn't modeling the pursuit of freedom and happiness that makes America great, I don't know what is.***

G) They're cuddly:

This guy is grimacing with cuddly joy.

And finally...

H) They're tasty with the right glaze.


At this point they are less about "bob" and more about "squab".

Note: Because I am so in touch with the plight of the pigeon and I am tapped into the global interconnectivity****, after I had drafted the bulk of this post, I was presented with this image on my morning commute:

(Click on the photo to enlarge it.) This appears to be a traveling pigeon coop with illustrations of two "Hall of Famers" and the years they were winners. Or dinners. Or both.

This must certainly be a sign of some sort from the cosmos.

In summation...

I know not what course others may take but, as for me...

Give me pigeonry! ...and I'll attest.*****



* Not me, I said "most people".

** I hope I haven't given away a key Surge strategy here.

*** You know you would do it if you could. Especially when you are at the grocery store and the cashier looks you right in the eye as she closes her lane. You so would poop if it was socially acceptable.

**** You pay extra for it but it's better than FIOS.

***** To excess, but I digress. Man, this post is a mess.