"Save me from these evil deeds before I get them done" --Fiona Apple

[Peep show.]

I am burned out like a toasty, crispy, ... piece of... um... ... ... burnt thing.

See? Yeah, I got nothin'. And still a week to go before vacation. *taps foot* What to do... what to do... Why, it's the perfect time to receive an award!

Yes! I've gotten an award. Well, my goodness! Oh wait... goodness has nothing to do with it. It's the You Shoulda Been a Stripper Award (pictured above) from Little Ms Blogger. Um, thanks!(?)

Please don't tell Mum.

I guess I'll go with honored. Not everybody has the ability to vamp a pole in blogville but, in truth, I would probably be the one working the pole with the Clorox spray bottle and the paper towels. Because, ew. I mean, really, can you see me in 6 inch heels and a g-string and... hey, why are you looking at me that way? Knock it off before I call jp to bounce your ass out of here.

I'm supposed to list 7 of my personality traits, as evidenced on my blog and then pass the award on to 7 other blogs with notable personality. Me? Personality? Who knew?* So, before Kanye jumps up here and tells everybody that Lexa should have won it, I better get on with this...

1. Inquisitive. I've been told on a number of occasions that I would have made a good lawyer. Not because I'm eloquent. Not because I'm knowledgeable. Not because of the billable hours, dang it. But because I interrogate. I am forever asking questions and sometimes they're rapid fire and pointed and, really, you don't expect us to believe you were nowhere near the pint of Cherry Garcia when it went missing, do you?!**
   
2. Playful. I've been short of it lately but I'm on the brink of a vacation and I'll get my play back, I promise. *feels weight of water balloon in hand* *smiles* *wiggles eyebrows*
3. Incredulous. I am often unwilling to accept what is clearly true in the world around me. I am frequently in a state of "Wait, what did she just say to me?" Hence, my misfortune = your entertainment.
   
4. Impatient. Next!
5. Earwormy. I often title my posts with a snippet of lyric. Because life is a song. And just a bowl of cherries. And a highway (I want to drive it all night long). If you don't remember my ideas, you'll remember the snippet of lyric and it will slowly drive you and everyone around you quite mad because you can't not hum that stanza, can you? So, that's a cheery thought. My little gift to the world.
   
6. Artsy. Let's not forget the celery rose.
7. Confessional. You don't have to wear the priest's collar but if you want to... er, anyway, yeah, if I can't tell you, then who? Let's face it, you've provided me with enough material to create an effective double bind for any blackmail attempt. In a nutshell, you're deeply disturbed and I find that really comforting.
   

There. Enough. On to the next victi--proud recipients. And, because I am an equal opportunity debaucher, and because they're the minority here in blogland***, I'm putting the following men up there in the spotlight (can I get a boom-chika, boom-chika, boom-chika please?):

Al in the Country

Bowie Living

Bradford Pearson

Farm Fresh Meat

Malnurtured Snay

Sean's Ramblings

Toby or Not Toby

So, let's give them a big hand, shall we?!

*the crowd goes wild*

And, as long as we're on the topic, how about a question of the day: Are strip clubs sexy?




* What? Every award recipient demonstrates false modesty. You'd prefer I thank Jesus?

** Judge: "Mr. Kirkland, you are out of order."
Kirkland: "You're out of order! You're out of order! The whole trial is out of order!"
God, I love that scene.

*** It's terrible the way they only make 70 blog cents to every blog dollar we make.

It's so shiny!

Bilbo of Bilbo's Random Thought Collection has graciously awarded me with the Superior Scribbler Award*:


I would complain about back-to-back memes but it's Sunday and there's only two of you reading anyway so what the heck.

Besides, I am a sucker for shiny things. Awards? Very shiny. Now, who took my swag bag??

The rules:
1. I must pass it on to five other deserving bloggers; [Check!]
2. I must link to the author and to the name of the blog from whom I received the award; [Check!]
3. I must display the award on my blog and link to Melissa's post which explains said award; [Check!]
4. I had to add my name to the "Mr Linky List"; [Check!]
5. I had to post the rules on my blog. [Check!]

So, without further ado, may I present the award to the following fabulous bloggers who so often make me laugh:

1. Crissy: She's already the Queen of F-ing Everything, so what's one more award on the pile? Besides being hilarious, she bravely displays video of her terrible dancing (which is still better than mine.)
2. Your Beard is Good: Follow the bizarre and always funny adventures of Rs27. Do it!!
   
3. The Typing Makes Me Sound Busy: J-Money is the funniest chick on the Internet. Period.
   
4. The DC Universe: Ignore the stuff on comics unless you're all geeked up like that but definitely read the rants. When he's on a roll, he's all about the funny.
   
5. Surviving Myself: A more recent find for me but definitely worth a check if you're looking for quality comedy.

Being in the limelight sure is exhausting. I'm gonna go climb out of a car sans skivvies, check into/out of/into/out of rehab, and throw my cell phone at my assistant. Yeah, I'm all glamorous like that.



* When did awards start coming with homework? I'll bet Halle Berry doesn't have to do this sort of thing when she gets an award. *hmph* **

** Yeah, I guess I did just compare myself to model, actress and beauty queen Halle Berry. What's your point? *glowers menacingly* ***

*** I read somewhere that Halle Berry has always slept in a bra. That's just messed up. Why are you so interested in Halle Berry all of a sudden anyway? Your obsessions are a little creepy.