05 December 2008

"Riding on the Metro" --Berlin

First: New poll up (top right) on the peculiar lure of the vampire flick.

Oh, stop. You know you're dying to make your voice heard. Go vote. You can even select multiple answers.

I mean now. Don't make me chase you.*

And now on to today's completely unrelated post...

People that are in my Metro car every single time I ride:

  • Bag Guy. Bag Guy has 14 different full plastic and paper bags and arranges them on the seat next to him, on him, in front of him and on you if you'll let him.
  • Teenager on the Monkey Bars. Teenager on the Monkey Bars has to try to impress his friends by pretending the overhead grab bar is actually a chin up bar. He comes this close** to smacking his head on the ceiling. His friends find this hilarious.
  • Matchy Tourist. Matchy Tourist is one of a group of at least five people wearing hideous, neon-bright t-shirts and matching hats. It's like they found ugly-t-shirt-and-matching-hat.com and said, "Yeah, that's the stuff! We'll be able to spot each other easily and fit right in in ΓΌber-tony DC."
  • Overshare Woman. Overshare Woman insists on sitting on one side of the car and carrying on a personal conversation with her friend on the other side of the car at top volume. The conversation always includes the phrase "I'm not gonna put up with that shit."
  • Clueless Tourist. Clueless Tourist "discovers" the Metro map and stands, slack-jawed, in front of it, unable to decipher it, occasionally looking around pathetically for help which always comes... from another tourist.
  • Screaming Gregory. Screaming Gregory is the child that screams and cries for the entire trip despite his parents, who are busy eying Overshare Woman nervously, saying "Now, now, Gregory. It's all right, Gregory."

Are these people on every subway system or is it just the DC Metro? Or is it just me they follow? 'Cause, you know, I'm not gonna put up with that shit.

* Unless you're going to do the slasher movie run while looking over your shoulder causing you to trip and fall down bit. I'm a sucker for that move.

** I originally had two angle brackets here but it was screwing up the html. Sheesh. Imagine me holding my fingers an inch apart a la Maxwell Smart.


f.B said...

Overshare woman! Last time I was on the metro, it was overshare man. And by "overshare," I mean the "give me my money, you better have my money, don't @!$% with my money" screaming at the top of his lungs at 2 in the afternoon man.

LBluca77 said...

Thank god for my car. The only crazy I have to deal with on my morning commute is me and my multiple personalities.

urban bohemian said...

I'm sensing a thesis in evolutionary cultural sociology here. Perhaps those archetypes really are required on every metro/transit rail car. If they aren't already present, humans are compelled to emulate them. Thus completing the organic machine required to drive every other rider up the freakin' wall.

I feel your pain.

fiona said...

I think I'm Sybil, I'd fit all of the categories depending on the day of the week!

Kate said...

They're everywhere, just in different forms designed to bug the crap out of that particular person. Mine follow me around all the time. They don't know any better.

And there's no, "I don't watch vampire movies, I get nightmares" category.

Mike said...

Sit next to the bag guy next time. Get off before he does. Take a bag. See if he misses one.

Jon said...


Your Beard said...

LA doesn't have this, howyousay, public transportation. I only have to put up with the homeless person outside.

Gilahi said...

What about "gaggle of giggling girls"? I always get gaggle of giggling girls.

Narm said...

I'm more into the take off my shoe and throw it at you as me chase me thing. I got for that damsel in distress look.

Herb of DC said...

Overshare woman is always on the Metro with me. She also uses the f word a lot when accompanied by children.

MadameMeow said...

Wow... I need to ride the train with you. I usually get in the train car where everyone's tongue has been ritualistically cut off and they just stare like zombies.

LiLu said...

Hmm. I think I might be overshare woman.

At least I'm proving your point...

lacochran said...

f.B: Scary! I tend to switch cars when I encounter that guy.

LBluca77: Do you fight yourself over music choices?

Urban Bohemian: Wow. That is quite the thesis potential. I fear you may be right.

Fiona: Was it you on my Metro train?

Kate: The "Guess again. Hmph." category or the "Other." category doesn't cover it?

Mike: So you're Mess with Bag Guy Guy?

Jon: Made me laugh. :) Thanks.

Your Beard: Hey your, howyousay, attribution changed! What's that about?

Gilahi: Good add!

Narm: Sprechen Sie Englisch?

Herb of DC: Absolutely. That's her.

MadameMeow: Sure! Let's go.

LiLu: :) Well played, Lilu.