23 December 2008

Open Letter to CNN


Dear CNN,

I don't know what sadistic game you're playing but you have to stop scaring my mother.

Every time you show anything bad happening in or near Washington, DC (and, really, how often do you show anything good happening?), my mother assumes that it is happening to me. Tornado touches down in Fairfax? Me. Multiple murders in Southeast? Me.

This morning, you reported on your national news that there was a huge water main break on River Road in Bethesda and there were helicopter rescues from the trapped cars in the rushing, way cold water. Guess where my mother thought I was?

Doesn't matter that I live nowhere near Bethesda. Doesn't matter that I work nowhere near Bethesda. Doesn't matter that this morning I'd have as much chance of being in Gdansk as Bethesda.

She called, very upset.

She's an old lady.

That's just mean.

-L A Cochran


PS to Anderson: For the inauguration, it's your turn to bring the vodka. And none of that cheap stuff, like last time. Although you looked cute passed out in the kitty litter.

25 comments:

Bilbo said...

After 26 years of my marraige to their daughter and 18 continuous/ 22 aggregate years of living in the DC Metro area, my parents-in-law in Germany are still unable to recognize the difference between Washington (state) and Washington (DC). If anything bad that happens in the Pacific Northwest (wildfires, floods, massive snowstorms, Second Coming, etc) is reported on the news in Germany, they call in a blind panic thinking that we're probably dead. I feel your pain.

LiLu said...

My parents lived in NOVA some 25 years ago, when DC was a very different place. Thought they were horrified when I first moved to Columbia Heights?.. How about 4 months ago, when I moved to SHAW?

f.B said...

would it be ok to join this letter? i'd love to sign my name at the bottom of it, too. though, AC 360 would have to calm the smokey eyes a little

Kate said...

When my sister lived in NYC? It was much the same. A blackout on the subway? My sister must be TRAPPED! Don't get me started on 9/11.

Narm said...

I get the same call every time "To Catch A Predator" comes on.

Mike said...

There was somebody in St. Louis that was killed that had the same name as me. My wife got calls for WEEKS afterwards. When 'I' would answer the phone there would be a moment of silence and than an 'OH MY GOD'.

rs27 said...

No one should be subject to living in Maryland.

I just offended everyone.

Herb of DC said...

thank god it wasn't you but think of all the blog material if it had been you.

fiona said...

My mum thinks the USA is the size of a wee island. I too feel for you...add my name

charlotteharris said...

Let's forward this letter to NBC as well. But because for once in a looong while I had a morning off from work and NOTHING to do. I was soooo excited to lay on my couch and watch the Today show. That's the ONLY thing I wanted to do with my morning. Which was pre-empted by breaking coverage of the water main break. ALL MORNING. Aargh!

restaurantrefugee said...

Can we add a p.s. to this letter? Something along the lines of:

For the love of pork loin and all things holy, can you please remember that your organization is a news outlet? Edward R. Murrow would twist in his grave if he knew that this moderately dramatic but nationally irrelevant drivel is what you pass as news.

Linda said...

Sigh. I so empathize. Please forward to the Weather Channel as well. Tornado east of the Mississippi? Snow-storm in the mid-Atlantic? How about flooding rains anywhere south of Philly? We get the phone call. Endearing, actually...

LBluca77 said...

My parents always worry that I am out walking someplace after dark, but seriously who is going to attack me in Long Beach? Some gay guy?!?!

The Pumpernickel said...

My mother does the same thing, it's completely maddening.

I left my phone at home for half an hour once and when I came back, I had three missed calls and a couple of frantic messages asking if I was still alive.

It's insanity.

Barbara said...

Mothers are just like that. We're supposed to worry. But just think how excited she would have been to see you rescued out of your car on River Road!

Dezel said...

Merry Christmas Cap - May your days be filled with joy, and glasses filled with wine, this holiday season.

PS...Think mom may like MSNBC...on second thought, you may get more calls (lol).

Happy Sipping!

controlled chaos said...

Hmmm it looks like it became a petition so I'd like to add my name as well!
I mean, all the cool kids are doing it

Reya Mellicker said...

You know Anderson is gay, right?

Your mom is so sweet, thinking and worrying about you.

Happy new year! More Lacochran in 2009!!!

Asphodel said...

Heh I know a friend who is in Kuwait, but everytime Iraq makes front page he receives a 30 minute international call from her... which he eventually pays for :-D Ah, mummies!

Herb of DC said...

BTW this post was featured in the Washington Post Express blog last week. Not sure if you noticed...

Shevonne said...

CNN is drama personified

emmajames said...

A mass mailing to all news outlets is in order, I think.

I was visiting my newly re-owned, communist aunt in Geneva a few years ago (long story), and she pointed out that all American media is fear-based - "War on Ice," anyone?

And I lived in Greece during the first Gulf War. Our only news sources were the local Greek coverage (which as fantastic and very balanced) and CNN, which kept us in continuous panic mode with promises that the world was about to explode. Our only respite was MTV Europe. The result is that my primary memory of that time is REM's "Losing My Religion."

And while the folks back home were calling on a daily basis because of some exaggerated story about a bombing in Greece or nearby, the one time a car bomb did blow out my apartment building's windows... there wasn't even a story on it.

Conclusion: stop watching American-run television news. NPR and BBC aren't bad.

lacochran said...

Bilbo, Kate, The Pumpernickel, Asphodel: Amazing.

Lilu: I hear that neighborhood has a lot of character. Or characters. Or something.

f.B: That's like asking the sun not to shine.

Narm: It's getting to the point where if she invites you back to her parent's place, you have to assume it's a sting.

Mike: *snort* Did you moan like a ghost?

Rs27: This from someone who was born in New Jersey.

Herb of DC: You're all silver lining.

Fiona, RestaurantRefugee, Linda, Controlled Chaos: Done.

CharlotteHarris: Don't you love how they have 15 seconds of footage that they show over and over and over...

LBluca77: It's possible.

Barbara: It would have been quite the story for the Mah Jhong crowd.

Dezel: Same to you! And Mum switches back and forth between CNN and MSNBC to maximize the fear factor. At least she passes on Fox.

Reya Mellicker: He didn't mention it but he was pretty wasted.

Herb of DC: The Express and DCBlogs. How nice!

Shevonne: Too true.

Emmajames: Huh. I could have sworn the N in NPR referred to the Nation of the United States.

gwgirl said...

My friend lives with her grandmother, who constantly watches Fox News. She is very scared of the day that the infidels will invade. My mom is the same way with DC as well. Plus I'm going to Egypt soon and when that embassy thing in Yemen happened months ago my mom googled Yemen to see how close it was to Egypt. Parents...

lacochran said...

gwgirl: The infidels have invaded. They are Fox News.