04 September 2008

There are all kinds of contributions in this world

of DCBlogs part-time editor fame writes:

"Not much snark in the house tonight, as I recently lost a loved one (by which I mean: someone I love died, not that I misplaced someone in Safeway’s product section). At the same time, that means those of our fair community nattering on about what to buy don’t get a lot of sympathy from me. Basically, the message is: write about something meaningful, and if you can’t, consider it a good time to go search for meaning and cease writing until you find it. Reviews of TV series? Seriously, not meaningful. That said, here are some blogs I’ve read and “enjoyed” lately, as much as I can be said to be enjoying anything now."

I do feel sympathy for Foilwoman in her current state and offer my condolences.

She also got ripped a new one in the comments on DCBlogs.

I, too, take issue with her dictum.

I very intentionally avoid serious stuff on this blog. Because I know you. Yeah, you.*

You don't want to hear me harangue you about the disappearing polar bears or rant about the threat of terrorists.** You don't want me to dissect the weighty issues for you. If you wanted that, you'd tune in to the biased pundits of your choice. You'd watch convention speeches instead of re-runs of Deal or No Deal. You'd become a community activist instead of sitting on your couch with a bag of Cheetos.

But that's not you and you shouldn't apologize for it. I accept you just the way you are.**** If Foilwoman knew you like I know you*****, she'd realize that your life is hard enough.

You have enough on your mind. You've got to figure out if that asshat you work with is on your side or just giving you lip service. You've got to buy groceries and try to pass expired coupons while rushing to beat that woman with the screaming child and the overflowing basket to the just opened, check-out line. You've got to deal with freaky neighbors and their yard/stereo/insertpettyannoyancehere-war ways.

Yes, I know you. I know what you need. You don't want meaning. You want a dancing monkey.******

And who can blame you?
Life is hard enough.

* And take that pudding pop out of your mouth while I'm talking to you.

** Wouldn't it be cool if we could train the polar bears to attack the terrorists? Bear ratings would go through the roof and this would eliminate the question of additional terrorist attacks because polar bears are wicked vicious, though adorable to behold, as they rip a person apart. Talk about a deterrent! Maybe we could get them in a surprise confrontation on Jerry Springer. Jerry: What he doesn't know is that we've flown in a polar bear who says that he not only planted bombs but cheated on this bear's sister. Let's bring him out!***

Note to self: Send pitch to Jerry Springer show. Mention idea of bears in polyester halters and muffin-top shorts.

**** I saw you wipe that Cheeto dust on the back of the couch pillow. I still accept you. But... you know... couch pillow... I'm just sayin'...

***** I won't mention that incident at the Motel 6 with the cops if you won't. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's the one. ...Huh? Of course, I still have the souvenir glass. And the thigh-highs. And the Anderson Cooper mask. I've said too much.

For your joy: dancing monkey.


GreenCanary said...

I feel for Foilwoman, I do, but to discount everyone in the blogosphere in one fell swoop? Not cool. And also? PUDDING POPS?! I haven't had one of those in years, but you bet your fanny I'm going for one now. Delightfully delicious.

Mike said...

"And the thigh-highs. And the Anderson Cooper mask. I've said too much."

No you haven't! We want MORE!!!! ALL the details. And pictures! Us guys like pictures. We're visual creatures.

Lemmonex said...

"You've got to figure out if that asshat you work with is on your side or just giving you lip service."

So, is he on my side? give me an answer!! You fail as a blogger. THIS IS ABOUT ME!

Merujo said...

Amen, amen, amen! You should have been at my computer with me when I first read this at around 1:45 this morning. I was very cranky.

Foilwoman said...

Well, my response is up on DC Blogs.

Herb of DC said...

I have seen the light and turned my blog over to only meaningful posts.

NG said...

I'd really like to read all of this but I got distracted by the dancing monkey.

charlotteharris said...

"jello pudding - you can't be a kid without it." now I am going to fill my morning watching you tube videos of old bill cosby commercials. and maybe later i'll blog about it!

LivitLuvit said...

This made me happy in my pants. Please only talk about terrorists if the bears are involved. Thank you.

Tina said...

and ALWAYS make sure the bea4rs are wearing the haltertops and muffin top shorts -- and tease their hair with white rain hair spray

ooo - ooo - ooo and paint thier claws with really tacky nail art

lacochran said...

GreenCanary: Come to think of it, it's been a while since I've seen pudding pops in the store. Hope you can find 'em.

Mike: Don't break my heart and say you don't remember that night.

Lemmonex: According to my magic eight ball "My sources say no."

Merujo: Seems to have torqued a lot of people. To her credit, Foilwoman apologized for her poorly worded header.

Foilwoman: Thanks. Again, I am sorry for your loss.

Herb of DC: In that case I'll have to take you off my Google Reader list.

Ng: :) My work here is done.

CharlotteHarris: I remember those! :)

Livitluvit: Wow. You bet.

Tina: Ooo-ooo-ooo, you're suspiciously familiar with this show. Did we see you throwing a chair at your ex recently?