12 September 2008

Pass the yolk


I was going to write a post about how I don't like egg white and I was going to do this because, well, let's face it, you and I have known each other a while now and I figure we've reached that level of bonding. I understand about expectations and I don't want you to feel like I'm holding out on you.*

But then I got to thinking about how people love to talk about what foods they hate and isn't that sort of strange and, well, I reconsidered.

Why do you want to hear about my egg white aversion?** I'm thinking you really don't want to hear about my egg white aversion.

I'm thinking you also don't want to hear your Uncle Morty talking about how he "likes onions but they don't like him." Or your cousin Delilah saying "I wish I liked salad more because I know it's good for me but I just don't."

What's the point of all that? At best, you find someone with the same food hang-ups as you. "You hate milk?! I hate milk!!"*** And then you do your happy milk-hating dance together.****

So... I'm not going to talk about my egg white issues.

That's healthy, right?

I'm just not.

No.

It's not like I need to.

Uh-uh.

*sweating*

Unless you really want me to.

If you really want to know, do nothing. That'll be our secret signal.

Huh!

Well, I stand corrected! It's amazing how well we communicate!

Okay, then, in
brief:

It's the rubbery texture that makes me all squeebee.
*****





* Who says I'm cold and unsharing? Just don't eye my Pecan Twirls.

** This has nothing to do with the aversion but, let's face it, I'm all about the tenuous tangent and this one is at least about eggs. Several years ago, I was over a relative's house for dinner and she asked me to carry in a tray of deviled eggs. I did, but as I got to the table, I, and the tray, stopped moving, but the eggs, slippery suckers, kept going. Pity there was no America's Funniest Home Videos slide whistle sound effect to accompany the arc of the eggs as they went flying off the tray. I was particularly pleased that one deviled egg did a beautiful swan dive into a tall glass of soda. *Sploosh!* ... Wah, wahhh.

*** Yeah, I actually do hate milk. You, too?! OMG!

**** Because I have complete faith in the Interwebs, I searched Google images for "milk hating dance". Hey, you never know. It gave me images for each of these words but not the combination. I think Google should create a mash-up of images for you if it can't actually find the combination you're seeking.

***** All right, your turn.

12 comments:

Bilbo said...

Eggs are good for you. You should love eggs, both the yellow and the white parts. Now, beets, that's something yucky...earthy, gritty, dark-bloody red beets. Ugh.

Gilahi said...

Since we're not talking politics here, I have to say I agree 100% with Bilbo. Beets are what evil tastes like.

And brussels sprouts.

Ick.

Narm said...

When you come to Cleveland we can spend hours over beers talking about your hatred for egg whites. I promise.

rs27 said...

I like egg whites and milk.

so in conclusion, white people rule.

GreenCanary said...

I hate BBQ. The squishy texture of the beef *gag*

Mike said...

mexican food = military intellegence

fiona said...

I feel kinda guilted into eating eggs.
When I think about what it's poor momma had to go through..."puuusssh"
Would hate to think her efforts were in vain!

Herb of DC said...

I hate egg yolks. We should totally get married!


Herb Noke could eat no yolks,
His wife could eat no whites.
And so between the two of them,
Deviled eggs ran away in fright.

Bilbo said...

I'm glad gilahi and I agree on the essential evilness of beets, but we part company on brussels sprouts, which are the very Food of the Gods, especially with a nice, light mustard sauce. Of course, there's the farting thing, but hey, you can't have everything...

Herb of DC said...

I have a great story about beets and child rearing techniques gone bad but I am saving it for my own blog.

lacochran said...

Bilbo & Gilahi: You can commence your beet-hating dance now. I imagine something with a strong rhythm.

Get it?? See what I did there? Beet/beat/rhythm... Nevermind.

Narm: Sweet *and* masochistic! I can work with that combination. I booked the flight. See you in October!

Rs27: Aren't you down with brown anymore? I'm totally confused.

GreenCanary: Is it the sinew or the gristle? (Either way, totally gross words.)

Fiona: Quite an image! :)

Herb of DC: My first internet proposal! This is so exciting!!

SingLikeSassy said...

Man the beet comment reminded me that I didn't include those in my "foods I hate" rant. They turn other stuff colors.

But egg whites are good for you. Put some cheese on 'em. Cheese makes everything taste good.