Assorted Flotsam

• There are certain things I just can't do. I can't not flush a toilet and I can't not sign a check. I've tried. Mum asks me to write out some checks for her as her hand isn't so steady now. I'll fill out a check --the date, the amount-- thinking "Don't sign, don't sign, don't sign", and then? I sign it. And then I curse. Similarly, I go into the bathroom hearing the shower running and I think "Don't flush, don't flush, don't flush" and then I do what nature requires, and then? I flush. Automatically. And then I hear cursing.
  

• Party philosophy: 10% food, 10% drinks, 15% weather, 5% magic and 60% people. You bring an interesting mix of people together and the rest doesn't matter. What's your party philosophy?
  

• I don't generally like to mess with symbols that are near and dear to people's hearts. That's why, even though I'm not a Christian, I get a little irked when people co-opt the Christian fish symbol. But I am impressed with the variety of riffs out there. I've seen the Darwin version, the Evolve version, the Gefilte version, the Flying Spaghetti Monster version, the Sushi version, and today I saw one filled in with "'N' Chips".

• That's a Milwaukee's Best (aka cheapass Miller) beer truck I spotted on the road. I snapped a picture of it because of the slogan, "BREWED FOR A MAN'S TASTE." First, it supposes men have taste, an interesting supposition. (Ooooo, slam!) Second, I spent a good bit of time trying to think how that beer might be brewed. Did it taste of poker tables and cigars? Dick Cheney's hunting rifle? The sweat of the NFL? Pamela Anderson? What?

PS New poll up there on the right. Check it out.

"So I might steal your diamonds, I'll bring you back some gold" --Gregg Allman

First, I've been taking a lot lately. I've been greedily grabbing up the goods. I've practically shouted like Daffy Duck "Mine! Mine! Mine!"

In the last few months, I've gotten a Nintendo DSi (which I play with every day!) thanks to LiLu, a pair of fabulous Gap jeans thanks to PQ, a yummy Hershey's with Almonds thanks to Spleeness, and a $20 Amazon gift card (which I've already spent with abandon) thanks to Just A Girl. Thank you all!! You rock!

Bloggers? They are in large part givers! And when I say they, I mean you! But, even better than the great swag, you give of yourselves. You share what's in your heart. You offer kindness and wit and insights daily. And for that, I heart you all!

Okay, enough with the shmoopyness.

While we're talking about taking and giving...

I was once in a relationship with a guy who told me a number of times that he thought I gave to him more than he gave to me. Yeah, I'm not in that relationship any more. Because it's all about me, right? Me, me, me.*

People say in an ideal relationship that both parties give and give and give. Or they say that both parties give but give in different ways. Mmmmmaybe. I look around and in most of the relationships I see, there is give and take but there's also often a clear giver and a clear taker. You know? 60/40 or 70/30 even. Now before you get your back up, let me say that I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If it works for the people involved, great.

Which leads me to the question of the day: Are you the giver or the taker most of the time in your relationship(s)?** And whichever role you're in, are you cool with that?

(Come on, you know you want to give me your answer.)



* Or you. Either way. You know. Doesn't matter. *rolls eyes*

** And if you still insist your dead even, then you are probably the giver.

"...and what have we done... another year older..." --John Lennon

Picador.


Tiger Woods started playing golf at age 2. H.P. Lovecraft wrote long poems at age 5. Wolfie Mozart did his first composition at age 6. Pablo Picasso painted Picador at age 8. Blaise Pascal wrote a treatise on vibrating bodies at age 9. Jean Piaget published a paper on the albino sparrow at age 11. Bobby Fischer won the U.S. Chess Championship at age 14.

Can we all agree these people are/were freaks? I mean, really, talk about setting the bar too frickin' high for the rest of us. Talk about messing up the curve. Talk about pressure!

Nobody expects you to be a success at 2. If you're getting your sippy cup to your mouth at 2, that's worthy of applause! In fact, knowing some of you as I do, that's still a pretty darn good accomplishment!

Ah, 2... Those were the days, hm? Your meals provided for you. None of that having to microwave your own ramen, gosh darn it. Anybody else remember the Gerber's Spaghetti and Meatballs? Mmmmm. But I regress.

The thing is, at 2, we know what is exceptional. As we do at 12. Even at 22, we have some markers. But at 32? 42? 52? Things get fuzzier. When we're little, we're told we can do anything with our lives. The sky's the limit. So, we all dream of being extraordinary in some way, right? Even if we aren't precocious.

And this leads to the question of the day: By what age do you think you need to be successful? Or, alternately, at what age do you say, well, I haven't done anything extraordinary yet, so I guess I won't?

"Happy talk, keep talkin' happy talk" --South Pacific (Rodgers & Hammerstein)

When you're together for a long time, they say you start to look like each other. Wait, that's with dogs, right? You start to look like your dog. Well, I don't think we look like each other, or dogs, but, then, we don't have a dog. Maybe if we had a dog we'd start to look like it. Or maybe people just pick dogs that they look like already because they're vain. Or maybe it's not vanity. Maybe they're just more comfortable with stuff that's familiar. Like dogs that look like them. If they cock their heads and flop their ears and lick themselves.

Where was I going with this? Oh, yeah. Not looks or dogs.

After eight years of marriage and about the same amount of time together before we got married, the Hubster and I have developed a shorthand in email/IM and in discussion. And, lucky you, I'm about to let you in on some of it.


"Kywtk."

Definition: Short for "Knew you'd want to know." Only used in written format.

Sample:
"That icky thing finally fell off. Kywtk."


"Byhtke."

Definition: Short for "Because you have to know everything." Only used in written format. Similar to Kywtk but, where Kywtk is sometimes preceded by useful information, as in "The plumber finally called back. Kywtk.", Byhtke is not. Both are used to pre-empt the inevitable question "Why are you telling me this?!"

Sample:
"I watched back to back episodes of The Golden Girls. Byhtke."


"[ ]"

Definition: This is shorthand for "No comment." Only used in written format. It often is placed before the body of a forwarded message. Where it can literally mean "I am sharing this but have no comment on it," it more often means "I am beyond words at the sheer stupidity of this."

Sample:

[ ]

{Forwarded message from corporate:}

Oh, and remember: next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.


"Koala"

Definition: Code word for "your bra strap is showing."

Sample:

*whispered* "Koala."
*adjust* "Thanks."


"Don't get any on the wooden floor."

Definition: This is the equivalent of an eye roll and is used in response to a statement that is so obvious, it need not be said.

When we first moved in, we had hardwood floors put in and we loved them. We then set about painting. While Hubby was opening the lid to the can of paint, I, anxious and ever helpful, said "Don't get any on the wooden floor." He looked at me with such unabashed disappointment and disgust and said "Really? I shouldn't pour the paint on the wooden floor? REALLY?" that I burst out laughing. I'm laughing as I type this. Yeah, Mistress of the Obvious, that's me.

Sample:

"Drive carefully."
"Yeah, and don't get any on the wooden floor."


So, why did I choose to share all this with you? Byhtke.

"Why don't we live together, only the two of us, we'll learn to trust" --Barry Manilow

Left work early yesterday (yay!) because I wasn't feeling well (boo!) Turns out I was running a fever (And you thought I was faking. I never fake! [TMI?])

So, I am home today being all sickly and pathetic and parenthetical. *pokes lower lip out* (Feel sorry for me?) If you've got to be sick you might as well get some sympathy, right? Go on, pat my head and tell me how beautiful I am even when I'm whiny and my color is off and I'm sweaty and my hair is matted and...

Moving on. Let's see what feverlicious post I can generate today, hmmm?

So, there's that study that says that if you live together without being engaged and then get married you have a higher likelihood of divorce than people who don't live together before marriage or that live together while engaged. (Not that the incidence of divorce is so low anyway, but whatevs.) Did you see that?

That's kind of interesting. And counter-intuitive because for years people said that if you lived together you'd get to know each other well and you'd build a more solid relationship. The study seems to come to the conclusion that once you're living together, you often head toward marriage not so much because it's what you want, but because what else are you going to do? It's not like you can easily start dating someone else while you're living with someone. "Mmm, yeah, they're still painting my place so we have to go back to your place. Again. I know it's been months. The painters are, um, slow. Really slow. Let me just call the... cat-sitter and let her know I'm... not going to make it home to feed Boopsie."

And you know who suffers the most? Boopsie. You try to hide the pain but it's the cat that always knows. Is it any wonder Boopsie eats your face off when you die? It has nothing to do with running out of Friskies. Boopsie can't bare to see your lying eyes.