"I'm sorry I'm bad, I'm sorry you're blue, I'm sorry 'bout all the things I said to you..." --Buckcherry

A while back, I was at a wedding of a college pal of mine and, at the reception, I got seated with a group of folks who were all from our alma mater. It'd been about 10 years since I'd seen any of them.

I recognized all of my schoolmates but one. I assumed this woman was the date of someone else at the table. Um, not so much.

It went something like this:

Me, graciously trying to make the outsider feel at ease: Hi, I'm L.A.

Her: I know!

Me *You know?* : Um...

Her: You don't remember me??

Me *Crap*: Uh...

Her, voice rising: L.A., we were in the same year at [alma mater].

Me *Crap!*: Er...

Her, incredulously: We were in several classes together!

The whole table has stopped chatting and is now looking at the two of us.

Me *Crap! Crap! Crap!*: I...

Her: I SAT RIGHT NEXT TO YOU IN [class name]!

She then tells me her FIRST and LAST name in a pretty ticked off voice and...

People... I'm telling you...

I got nothing. NOTHING. Her name is meaningless. I can not, for the life of me, place this chick.

And, now, it's abundantly clear that she thinks she knows me pretty dang well.*

Me: Oh, right! Sure! It's been a while now. Forgive me. You've changed a little. I guess we all have.

Her: Everybody else says I look exactly the same! [Tablemate] was just saying how I look exactly the same!

Me: I have a tumor.

Because what the heck else can you say at this point?**

And all this before they'd poured the wine.


* Okay, so we were in a few classes together. I took a friggin' lot of classes. BORING classes. I was half-asleep through most of them. It's not like we did crimes together. Now, those people I remember. Fondly.

** No, of course I didn't say that. I wish I had. Maybe I could have garnered a little sympathy.