Want to come over and view my Vintage Experiences?

*Shhhh*

Over here.

Can you keep a secret?

I've been receiving Dan Berger's Vintage Experiences now for probably three months. Pretty exciting, right?! Yes, that Dan Berger!!

It just started showing up in the mailbox one day. Now, you're going to laugh at me and my provincial ways but would you believe I didn't know who Dan Berger was? I had no idea why I was the recipient of his Vintage Experiences.

*chuckles, shakes head* I know! Bumpkin, right?!

Dan's web-site describes the Dan Berger Vintage Experiences as "a four-page weekly wine commentary" (it is!) which covers stories of the (wine) industry, (wine) news, (wine) commentary and (wine) ratings (it does!). Subscriptions are available for the shockingly low price of $95.00 if you are in the "wine industry trade" (which I am not) or the delightfully low price of $58.00 if you are a "special consumer" (also which I am not.)

Well, that's not entirely true. I am a consumer of wines. And I always felt a little special. Not in a Jerry's kids way. More of a Matrixy/we've-been-waiting-for-you-so-hop-into-your-black-latex-outfit way. And I guess this confirms it. Since I am not paying the $58.00 rate or even a penny and yet I am still awash in Dan Berger's Vintage Experiences.

It makes me feel a little naughty. Like maybe Dan should be saving some of his Vintage Experiences for his wife... or girlfriend... or boyfriend... or Pomeranian. Or maybe someone who is interested in his wine tidbits.*

Me? I'm interested in drinking wine. I read local wine reviews like Dezel's because I go to local wineries. Where... I drink wine.

Just because I signed up for an Alexandria, VA wine shop's mailing list in hopes of hearing about wine tastings doesn't mean I'm, you know, into Dan's kind of action. Little did I know the shop would be pimping out my address to the highest bidder and that this was a gateway set up.

Dan's in California, forgawdssake.

I'm in over my head. The Experiences just keep coming!

I... I guess I could go on the website and cancel the subscription that I never requested in the first place.

And, yet... I have to admit... all this attention is pretty flattering.



* Euphemism? You decide.