"Put the lime in the coconut, drink 'em both up" --Harry Nilsson

I got zapped with something nasty Tuesday night and I've been down for the count since. But, it hasn't all been bad...


Top Five Reasons It's Good to Be Sick

5) Have genuine excuse to work my "pathetic" look.

4) Able to cite impressive fever stats to boss instead of more common and suspicious "not feeling so good" reason for not reporting to work.

3) The Golden Girls.

2) Can use exciting terms like "surprising" and "dramatic" when talking about bodily functions.

1) Able to lose three pounds in one day.*


Question du jour: Does being sick give you the right to expect pampering? *insert pathetic look here*



* Amazing what frequent trips to the bathroom, fever sweats and lack of appetite will do. I am single-handedly redefining the term "Biggest Loser success story." So exciting! If people are willing to inject botulism into their foreheads, surely they'll ingest it to slim right down. You heard it here first.**

** This could also lead to the reopening of several DC restaurants.