"You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it"--Michael Jackson

I haven't exactly told you everything about our monkey experience in Barbados. I wanted to keep it happy and light... to remember the good. Why get creepy, right? But I'm feeling a need to unburden myself.

Yes, yes, we saw green monkeys and they were way cool and they climbed over the fence of the reserve every day to eat up the free food and then climbed back out to explore the island. They were lovely, curious things and, you know, monkeys! Can't go wrong with monkeys! At least, that's what I always thought. But there was one more monkey-related experience, that, well, wasn't as exciting or pleasant...

We are at the hotel, having spent the morning swimming, lazing by the pool and walking on the beach, and we decide to head up to the room to change into dry togs for lunch.

Drinks in hand, we board the elevator and a bride and groom get on with us. (He is in linen pants and shirt with a flower pinned to his lapel. She is in a tea length bridal gown. And they are hanging onto each other.)

Us: Getting married today?
Them, gazing into each other's eyes: Just got married!
Us: Oh, how nice! Congratulations.
Them, barely aware of our presence: Thanks.
Us: You had gorgeous weather for it.
Them: Mm... yes.

Hubby and I exchange looks, figuring they're not looking at us anyway. He gives me the "pointing with the eyes" thing that says, silently but emphatically, "did you see that?!" and I casually let my eyes drop to where he's indicating. There, on the bride, is the worst case of monkey feet I've ever seen. Her toes are long and angled in a variety of directions and her third toe (Yes, the middle of the foot toe!) is the longest toe on each foot.

Ugh! And this lucky groom is about to get some of that monkey foot action. What a brave fellow.

As we leave them to their honeymooning and make sure we're out of earshot...

Did you *see* *those* *feet*?!

Wasn't that horrible?!!

What do you suppose is wrong with him?

It's gotta be pretty bad to put up with that!

So, here is the question du jour: Would "watch me peel a banana" monkey feet be a deal breaker?