"You want to marry me, we'll marry" --Carly Simon

NEW YORK (Reuters) – After years of asking longtime companion Farrah Fawcett to marry him, actor Ryan O'Neal says she has finally agreed, even as she nears the end of her life after a long battle with cancer.

Okay, the poor woman is dying and I should leave her alone but... but... I can't. I just can't.

Oh, sure, it's a lovely gesture on Ryan's part but does anybody else read this news and think "How utterly pathetic?" For Ryan, I mean.

Put yourself in his shoes...

So, basically, the love of your life has FINALLY agreed to marry you now that she's on her deathbed. Because, hey, how long will she have to be married to you, anyway?

Ugh.

Meanwhile, how many of you have practiced Charlie's Angels poses in front of the mirror in the privacy of your room?

Um, thanks, but I don't want to hear what other things were done in your room because of Charlie's Angels or Farrah's poster.

In other tabloid news, a certain DC blogger has the most adorable shower curtain ever:

And another DC blogger, who self-disclosed her monkey feet,

clearly has no idea what true monkey feet are.

I'd give you details, but I'm still negotiating with TMZ.

Breaking News? More Like Broken News.

Am I missing something?

These days it has become vogue for television and radio news people to announce dramatically, "Analysts predict that gas prices may top [insert current gas price rounded up to next dollar level here] by [insert next federal holiday here]."

So let me get this straight... there's an analyst somewhere getting paid to study the situation who believes that gas prices are going to continue to ...rise? Wow. Brilliant analysis. Whodathunkit? Glad we have these special analysts on the job.

When did news stop being news and start being pronouncements of the freakin' obvious? Of course gas prices are going to continue to rise. Somebody (besides these analysts) is getting filthy, stinkin' rich on this and it ain't us.

Here's my analysis for free and, yeah, you may quote me: We'll be lucky if prices only rise at the rate the analysts are predicting.