Bananarama

This dog feels strongly about bananas.


As solid Americans, we love the humble yet exotic banana. ...It's blatantly suggestive form ...It's pratfall inducing peel. It hearkens us back to childhood and yummy banana splits. It beckons us with its flossyflossy Bananas Foster.* Frozen and dipped in chocolate, it is delicious. Whipped up with berries and rum it is an exquisite tropical delight.

But bananas infuriate us, too. *shakes fist at bananas*

We go to the store and we buy them like this:


And they are hard and green and bitter. They stay like that from the time we buy them on Sunday afternoon until Thursday at 1:46 a.m. Then, as we slumber and dream about Kanye West and Steven Colbert sharing a Hot Pocket**, they turn to a lovely, sunny yellow and their flavor and texture is almost unendurably fantastic, for approximately 7 minutes.

Then, at 1:53 a.m. they turn into this:



That's right. Not only do they turn black and slimy and putridly sweet but they somehow multiply and change direction.

Bastards.

So... Has anyone tried the green bags that claim to keep bananas blissfully un-putrid for weeks on end? Is this a good use of my emergency banana fund? Please advise.


* Make Bananas Foster for yourself if you want or have someone else make it for you but I do not recommend going to the restaurant that made it famous. When I was in N'awlins, I went to Brennan's for (what else) the Bananas Foster. It was brunch time and they wouldn't let you just order dessert so I ordered an omelet. They brought me the largest omelet I've ever seen. It was something like 30 bucks for a veggie/cheese omelet that I didn't really want to begin with and I couldn't finish because it was made with 72 eggs. Maybe more. Chickens were weeping and holding vigils for this omelet. Sadly, after that, I could no longer consider dessert of any kind. Nor could I look chickens in the eye. But they're short so no big whoop. But none of this is the fault of the banana...

** *blink* *blink* What?