"Didn't you ever feel like the largest Elizabeth in the world?" --The Roches

[A messier approximation of the lusciosity lying in wait for me Saturday night.]


My thoughts Saturday night at the party*...

Oh, look! Steamed shrimp and cocktail sauce! Love it! And it's so healthy! Low fat! Low calorie! Fantastic!

Well, I can't stand next to the shrimp platter all night. People are starting to notice. Note to self: Next time don't growl when someone reaches for a shrimp.

A few chips and dip won't hurt too bad. Tasty!

Wow, those cheese stuffed shells look really good... Maybe just a little... but that doesn't look right to leave half a shell in the pan... I'll just even that up. Mmm, these are the BEST STUFFED SHELLS I HAVE EVER HAD!

Okay, cheese and crackers... hm... I'll just eat the cheese. Gotta cut back somewhere.

Oooo, cream puffs. Look how adorably tiny they are. Oh my god! They're filled with custard instead of cream! Custard puffs!! These are incredible!

What? Someone just brought cheesecake?! Are you flippin' kidding me? I LOVE cheesecake!

Here's my philosophy: if you're going to do something you know you shouldn't do, you might as well enjoy it. At least while you are doing it.

And so I do. I enjoy this luscious food so much I could be Mickey Rourke and Kim Basinger in the kitchen scene in 9 1/2 Weeks. I eat so much that I wonder if I am beginning to resemble Violet, the blueberry girl, in Willy Wonka.


We leave before the Oompa Loompas can start circling.***

Sunday morning, also known as "The Morning of Regret", I survey the damage.

I exercise. I peruse two magazines I receive that are "stay fit" oriented. In one, I come across an article for healthy snacks. I am quoting one of the recipes, verbatim, here, so get ready to hit print for this tantalizing treat:

Parmesan Rice Cakes

2 brown rice cakes
1 tsp. tomato paste (optional)
2 tsp. grated Parmesan cheese
Black pepper

Spread the rice cakes with tomato paste if using. Sprinkle with cheese and season with pepper. Toast in a toaster oven or broiler until cheese melts. Watch carefully--they cook fast. Let cool.

Doesn't that sound totally delicious and satisfying? No?

Okay, seriously, how totally sad is that?!

I hope that I am never that hard up for a snack.

I love the fact that there are only four ingredients, including the black pepper, and the tomato paste is optional. It's optional, fergawdssake! Wouldn't want to go hog wild and put a whole TEASPOON of tomato paste on those nummy brown rice cakes! That would be way too indulgent. Somebody stop me! I'm reaching for the teaspoon!

*shakes head*



* Because you can only play "Find the Pickle" for so long and then you have to give it a rest.**

** What? Too easy?

*** Judgy bastards. The O.L.s, not you. I'm sure you're thinking well of me at this point.